Acceptance

I can't explain exactly how I feel-- it's very hard to put into words. This last month and half I guess it's like I have been holding on to this ball... a heavy medicine ball. On Monday, I don't know why or how it changed, but I feel like I'm not carrying it anymore. I also feel like I was carrying around a "I'm Diabetic" flashing sign above my head and now I feel like I'm only wearing a name tag. I can't explain how and why I feel like this switch has happened... it just has. And I am so grateful. This burden of being diabetic is really difficult to deal with, but now that I'm feeling more at ease about it, I feel like I can handle whatever is thrown my way.

In other words, I feel like I have accepted what's happened. I feel like I can move on. I am sure that I will have my good days and my bad days. Every diabetic does. My dietitians that have had diabetes for 20+ years have bad days. It's a difficult disease that can't be cured and can only be regulated by daily medicine... it's going to suck. But I feel so at peace with this. I can't explain what switched in me that allowed me come to this peace...

Personally, I feel an answer to my many prayers and many blessings that my dear husband has given me. I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this acceptance so that I can focus on getting it under control and making those life changes without resenting what's going on. I feel He has freed me from my anger to help me figure out how to help myself and my family live healthy and to take care of my body.

A lot of my thoughts have lead me often to thought that our bodies are on loan from our Heavenly Father and we MUST take care of them. Think about it like this: If you leased a car, would you take care of it, or would you let it get gross and disgusting and try turning it in at the end of your lease? Would you do that!? NO! You would take care of it so that you don't have to pay for the damages incurred on the car. So then why, when we know that our bodies are on loan from Heavenly Father, would we not take care of the bodies that He so graciously gave us that we could live a mortal life? Doesn't make sense. This is where my thoughts have led me a lot lately. My body is on loan and this disease is making me live healthy and making me take care of my body. -- Not that I was actually not taking care of my body... I exercised and was trying to change my diet slowly  to get my diet more balanced. I was on the right track. I lost 30 pounds... I was thinner and healthier than I was even in high school. I mean I'm wearing a size 6 jean! I have NEVER worn a size 6 jean! I can only remember ever wearing a size 10! That's 2 whole pant sizes smaller! So not only am I feeling better about my self image, but I'm healthier!

Anyway... enough with my bragging... (I totally think I deserve those bragging rights by the way... I worked hard for them... and I will continue to work hard to keep those rights). So the gist of this is that I have accepted that this is going to be good for me. It's going to force me to live the way that EVERYONE should live. I understand that it is hard. I have been there! I have been technically overweight by the BMI standards. This disease will not control me! I will control it! I'm grateful that when I'm 50 and possibly a grandmother that I will be healthy enough to travel and play with my grand-kids and that I won't be worn out. I'm grateful that I will be healthier than I have ever been because of this disease. Even if they find a cure in the next 5 years (highly unlikely by the way), I am determined to make these changes for life. I feel much better when I exercise and eat healthy. Try it! It's not fun at first, but I promise you once you get over that hard week, it's MUCH easier.

Acceptance! I finally have acceptance and peace!