Appreciation

When I started this blog I said that this was mainly for me to be able to express what I was going through and how it's affecting my day to day life. While that is still true, I feel selfish sometimes because I do all lot of ranting and complaining and talking about me and my life and my family and my disease. Me, me, me, me, me. My viewership has gone way done on my blog and I feel that my ranting and complaining contributed to that. I mean only one person has asked me a question for my future Q&A post... which might not happen... But I'm not going to apologize for ranting and complaining. It actually helped me from spiraling into a depression after being diagnosed.

My family has a history of depression. I've been depressed before because of medications I was on. It was so bad, I hated everyone. And I mean everyone. I felt the world was out to get me. I quickly figured out what was causing it and remedied it, but it took me almost a whole year and half to FINALLY feel like myself again. I hated being depressed. It put a HUGE damper on my marriage and my family. I fortunately have a wonderful, patient, and loving husband. So, the point of me telling you this is so that you can understand that I needed to do that. I couldn't afford to spiral into another depression. My ranting and complaining were for me to blow off steam rather than letting it build up, get depressed, stop taking my insulin, and land myself into the hospital because I DKA'd. (Most newly diagnosed Type 1 diabetics are hospitalized because their blood sugars get too high so their bodies start burning the fat for energy which turns into deadly ketones.)

However, despite feeling selfish for writing this blog all about me, I have heard from several friends, whom I haven't talked to in YEARS. Since High school even. All of them have had encouraging words for me. One even told me that she's going to specialize in diabetes in Pharmaceutical School and that my blog has given her an unique perspective and courage to continue doing it. Others have told me that I have been inspiring because they too know someone with Type 2 or Pre diabetes. Many friends have spoken with my parents and have said that I am truly amazing and such a strong woman to be dealing with everything that I have been. 

This has brought me such joy. Not because it has fed my ego (but that does help), but rather that it has brought me satisfaction that someone out there is getting something from my blog and that it isn't all about me. I can tell you now, I do not feel like a strong woman. Most days, I feel broken and feel that I could be stronger. I feel like I'm just trying to get through each day. Each day brings new stresses and surprises as far as my diabetes go. I have extreme lows and extreme highs and I'm not sure what causes them. I'm still learning and I still get frustrated. This disease can be incredibly difficult. But knowing that I can encourage people through my blog gives me some satisfaction in that this is worth it if I can just reach one person. I don't care if someone out there thinks my blog is all about me, me, me, me, me. It helps me and at least one other person. And I am so grateful for that. 

Just remember, ALL diabetics need love and support, not judging and disgusted faces as they stab and prick themselves.

I'm a 6.4!

Oh such exciting news! I went to my first endocrinologist appointment yesterday. It was such an uplifting experience and such a relief listening to a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system. The weight of this disease just continues to be lifted off of my shoulders. My experience just keeps getting better and better. I thought that this was seriously going to ruin my life and make things much more difficult to enjoy family functions or any gathering for that matter. I'm such a foodie. I love to bake and cook and eat scrumptious food!

I mean seriously! I am SUCH a foodie! General Conference was such a different experience this time around. We ate typical meals with no snacking in between. Usually, I prepare cookies, rice krispie treats, or other goodies, and we have such a big breakfast with stuffed french toast and homemade strawberry syrup. Oh the yumminess! I missed it this year!!! :( Such a sad day! Really. BUT!!!!

I have finally figured things out. Being overweight cause the diabetes to take control of you. If I can keep my weight under control through diet and exercise, then I'm not going to punish myself for having a big sugary something every once in a while. As long as I balance my diet properly with the carbs, protein, veggies, and fruits, I will be able to maintain my weight. The reason why I can't do it ALL of the time is because insulin is a growth hormone. Being on man-made insulin is a lot worse for maintaining weight. Because I can't make it on my own, it means the more insulin I take, the more weight I gain. So if I was having an extra 60 sugary carbs every day then I would gain weight so much quicker than those that don't take insulin. That's really the reason why I can't just have whatever I want whenever I want. BUT I'm ok with that. This mentality has helped me get through it. I'll have 15 carbs of a sugar-free dessert more often than not. You know pudding or something. I just make sure that I go running or a really fast walk to help burn off those calories and fat.

ANYWAY! Not really part of the point that I'm a 6.4! So I had my A1C taken again yesterday and my number dropped from an 8.1 to a 6.4... to put it in perspective 7 is normal average blood sugar number. So that means that 6.4 means that my average blood sugars have been around 137! That's awesome! This also means that I can get pregnant now, so long as I keep my numbers under control.... BUT!!! That won't happen for a long while. My pregnancy needs to be a focus. I can't have Rob's schooling outshining my pregnancy. I need to be a focus; my health needs to be a focus. It's important that we focus on keeping my blood sugars under control for the baby and for me.

Did you know that my risk of every complication that could happen (still birth, miscarriage, etc.) is 2-4 times greater than those that don't have diabetes. That's really scary! I don't know if I could handle that. I guess time will only tell.... But it is important to note that as long as I can keep my numbers under control, everything can be as normal as that of a non-diabetic. The problem only being that my numbers are going to be VERY hard to control. I can do the exact same thing over and over but then one day/week/month, I won't be able to control it no matter how much insulin I take. It's going to happen and that's why it needs to be a priority. My health and the baby's health is much more important than Rob's schooling. But since Rob's schooling cannot and should not be delayed, baby will be delayed.

Anyway, that is it for tonight. I'm loving life, I'm loving my decisions, I'm loving my diabetes, I'm loving that I'm getting better. That is all!

I have a question...

So one of Autumn's favorite sayings lately has been "I have a question." To which we respond with, "ok, what is it?" but then she doesn't actually ask anything. I think it's super cute. Of course, most of what Autumn does, I think is pretty cute...

But why am I talking about this?? Well it's quite elementary my dear. I want you to ask me questions about diabetes, about dieting, about weight loss... anything! Now, I'm not going to say that I know all of the answers and will be able to give you the best answers to my knowledge and/or I will research the answers as best as I can.

The reason for this? As I began to think about the general populace's knowledge about diabetes, I thought that a video of Q&A would be helpful. Rob has a YouTube channel and he wants to do more educational kind of videos. So I want to educate you. Just remember, I am still learning about this quite a bit too. I still have questions. But I want you to. You can facebook me or email me or leave a question. For security reasons I'm not going to be giving out my email address, but most of those that read my blog have my facebook. And if not, you are reading my blog and can quite easily leave me a comment below!

Now bring on the questions! I'm excited to help you understand better and help me understand better too!

Feeling Healthy

On my run tonight, I had realized that I have written anything in about a week. And I began to think why the number of posts have dropped significantly... I realized that I'm in the "swing of things" now with taking care of this. I never imagined that I would have my numbers under control so quickly. My doctor told me that it would take 3-6 months, yet here I am in just over 2 months and I already have my numbers under control. I mean sure, it helps that I'm on insulin, but that's really besides the point.

I have NEVER felt so healthy in my life. I feel more energetic than I think even when I was in high school. I'm thinner than I EVER was in high school. I'm not saying that I was chubby, but I definitely was not the size that most girls were. I was a bit thicker... but I never thought myself fat... But I feel like I'm at a healthy weight, size, EVERYTHING. I can't believe the difference exercise and healthy eating can have.

Now let me make a disclaimer on here. I am doing better than I was doing for sure. I am definitely doing leaps and bounds better than the average american. However, I still treat myself to a yummy sweet. Old habits die hard!! I tell you what!

The thing is this, while I cannot control my diabetes with diet and exercise alone, I'm doing it to help control my diabetes. By eating low fat foods, less sweets, and low sodium foods I can help control my weight and the amount of fat that ends up in my blood. Exercising allows the insulin that I inject to work better so I don't have to use as much. Here's what's so simple about the exercise I do: I go for a 30 minute jog a day. 30 minutes! That's it. Think about how much time you sit in front of your computer or your TV... Do you have 30 minutes a day that you could spare? If you said no, ... you might want to re-prioritize.

I know everyone is busy. I mean come on! Look at me! I'm a mother and a wife! I have 3 full time jobs! 1) Watson 2) Mom 3) Diabetes. I have to work full time to support my husband through school, then come home and take care of a fairly rambunctious 2 year old, all while managing my diet, exercising and blood sugars! If I can do it and find 30 minutes to spare, then I think that you can too!

Here's my challenge to all of those that still read my blog. Just start with 15 minutes. Take a walk. You don't have to start out running like I did. I started out running because I had been exercising before... just not running. Walking is just perfect. Just start. Do something. ANYTHING! Start with being more active then look at your diet. Let me know how being active goes! Leave a comment below!