My family has a history of depression. I've been depressed before because of medications I was on. It was so bad, I hated everyone. And I mean everyone. I felt the world was out to get me. I quickly figured out what was causing it and remedied it, but it took me almost a whole year and half to FINALLY feel like myself again. I hated being depressed. It put a HUGE damper on my marriage and my family. I fortunately have a wonderful, patient, and loving husband. So, the point of me telling you this is so that you can understand that I needed to do that. I couldn't afford to spiral into another depression. My ranting and complaining were for me to blow off steam rather than letting it build up, get depressed, stop taking my insulin, and land myself into the hospital because I DKA'd. (Most newly diagnosed Type 1 diabetics are hospitalized because their blood sugars get too high so their bodies start burning the fat for energy which turns into deadly ketones.)
However, despite feeling selfish for writing this blog all about me, I have heard from several friends, whom I haven't talked to in YEARS. Since High school even. All of them have had encouraging words for me. One even told me that she's going to specialize in diabetes in Pharmaceutical School and that my blog has given her an unique perspective and courage to continue doing it. Others have told me that I have been inspiring because they too know someone with Type 2 or Pre diabetes. Many friends have spoken with my parents and have said that I am truly amazing and such a strong woman to be dealing with everything that I have been.
This has brought me such joy. Not because it has fed my ego (but that does help), but rather that it has brought me satisfaction that someone out there is getting something from my blog and that it isn't all about me. I can tell you now, I do not feel like a strong woman. Most days, I feel broken and feel that I could be stronger. I feel like I'm just trying to get through each day. Each day brings new stresses and surprises as far as my diabetes go. I have extreme lows and extreme highs and I'm not sure what causes them. I'm still learning and I still get frustrated. This disease can be incredibly difficult. But knowing that I can encourage people through my blog gives me some satisfaction in that this is worth it if I can just reach one person. I don't care if someone out there thinks my blog is all about me, me, me, me, me. It helps me and at least one other person. And I am so grateful for that.
Just remember, ALL diabetics need love and support, not judging and disgusted faces as they stab and prick themselves.
Being one who has been depressed before and trying my hardest to get out of it, I completely understand that you need to do whatever it takes to get out of it, support is the best thing that someone can give. If someone thinks you are being selfish in writing your posts then they are not really your friend. I truly hope that you are doing wonderful and that your days get better and not worse, but if they do, in the words of a wise, wise fish. "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." You can do it! Love ya!
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