So as I sit here waiting for some cookies to be done in the oven and Autumn is finally asleep, I figured why not sit down and write something. I feel like I need to write about this past year... so yes in that regards, it's a particularly predictable post.
2012 has been the hardest and most ridiculous year of my life. Medically speaking it was one thing after another, and honestly, it was really hard to see the light some days. I went through a whole 2 weeks of hell being told that I might be sterile and never be able to have another kid of my own to being told that I have diabetes. Then I spent another week and half with a doctor that really shouldn't be seeing patient with type 1 diabetes. I was completely lost for a whole week and half. I was giving myself WAY too much insulin. I'm surprised that I didn't end up dead. BUT I did find a great care team that was incredibly quick and responsive to me. But to add on top of all of that, I was told, "no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no" to getting pregnant anyway. Which I understand, but I really want another child. I have never felt so fulfilled like I do when I'm being a mother. I don't care what any one says about mothers, especially stay at home moms. That's what I want to be. I want to raise the children that I decided to bring into this world. That's my opinion and everyone has their own. BUT I do want to be able to go back to school and work once our kids our out of the house. Anyway... that's not 2012 related at all. But my plans are pushed back and I feel distraught about it. I want nothing more to be a mom. And so plans are pushed back for at least a year if not longer.
Not only has it been crappy medically speaking, professionally speaking as well. I'm going to start with I like my job a lot. The circumstances of this year and everything with audits and stuff has not been good. It has caused me to spend late nights at work, taking work home, and even working the weekends, and I still have been able to keep up with my work. It's been incredibly rough while going through my diagnosis and being a mom and a supportive wife. I'm really hoping that 2013 brings some good new employees to give me a break! I really need all the help I can get at this point.
But not to harp on diabetes or anything, but especially lately, I have been feeling incredibly lazy about my diabetes. At first I was really trying my hardest to keep on top of it and keep myself from slipping. And I tell you, I have done an incredible job all things considered. But when I see everyone being able to eat automatically and not have to test their sugars levels and then give themselves insulin, it drives me crazy. In some cases, Rob's almost done eating by the time I even start to eat my dinner. Ok, he's a fast eater, but STILL! AND then, Rob just eats and eats whatever he wants! OH SOOOOOO frustrating! Goodness.,.. it's difficult to be diabetic around Rob.
Something that I have thinking a lot about lately has been the balancing act a healthy person's body does. The reason I dip so low is because my liver actually doesn't work quite like a regular person's either. My liver doesn't produce the sugar that I need to keep myself from dipping so low and then I skyrocket because I don't make insulin... well I still do, but it's only a matter of time. Which is also annoying... I feel like a ticking time bomb until my body decides to finally give up and not produce any insulin whatsoever.
I feel like my whole life is a balancing act and I'm EXHAUSTED! It was so nice to have my parents in town for a little over a week. It allowed me to sit and breathe for once. It's been soooooo hard these last several months. And I'm not saying anyone else hasn't had it hard. I'm sure everyone is going through something or this or that or whatever. I'm just saying that it's been difficult and I really hope that 2013 proves to be better. I hope that I get a pump and that life will be just a simdge easier. It's not that I'm unhappy, but rather overwhelmed. I would like a break from everything. I think that is my number one wish for the next year. I really hope that even if it's an hour or a day or whatever, that I get a small break from being diabetic. It truly is exhausting... But since I seriously doubt that will happen, I just hope that I can continue to learn to balance my blood sugars, job, home life, ... rather everything in my life a bit better. I don't think making a resolution will help, because let's face it, they never happen, but rather if I can hope that I can balance things better, maybe that hope will become fruition and develop into something good. I truly hope that when I look back at the year next year that I will have better memories and a better year in general. And so far, it's looking good.
Here's to 2013! So long and good riddance 2012! Happy New Years everyone!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
And so the Holidays begin
So I've been feeling a bit bitter and angry about my diabetes the last couple of days. There's really no good cause for me to feel that way, but I do none the less... I have felt incredibly betrayed by my body. I have told myself that I will be good, REALLY good in my diet, except for during holiday parties for church, works, and any other random holiday party we've been invited to. Well, I have been good, but not as good as I wished. Work has been incredibly stressful lately and so I haven't been going to the gym like I should be, and I have taken to as little comfort food as I can... which is more than I should have. So it's been difficult staying on my diet....
Anyway, we went to our first Holiday party of the season. And YES! I totally splurged! Oh that yummy chocolate walnut bundt cake was AWESOME! NUMMER, NUMMER NUMMER! Anyway, we sat down at a table by ourselves and this old man from the ward came and sat next to me. We exchanged greetings and that was it. We got in line for our food, and came back to the table. The man hadn't gotten any food. So at this point, I tested my blood sugars, and the old man turns to me and says, "I'm sorry." I wasn't too shocked that he knew what I was doing. But then he said, "My son has Type 1 too." I was completely baffled that he even knew that there were more than 1 type of diabetes, let alone that he knew that I was Type 1. I asked him how he knew that I was Type 1 and he said, "Well, Type 2 can be reversed by diet and exercise. I see you're insulin dependent." WHAT!!?? We got to talking and I found out that 4 of his immediate family members have Type 1. We began to tell me about how one of them fell off their horse and damaged their pancreas and became Type 1.
Anyway, I guess this is when I began to feel more and more betrayed by my body. Had I damaged my pancreas, on accident or on purpose, that wold have been one thing. But to have my body produce an actual antibody that is killing off my beta cells!? Ugh! That just makes me bitter. I got sick with a virus and this is what I get!? I also think why I'm feeling bitter about it is because of my doctor's appointment almost 2 weeks ago now. He told me that no matter what I do, I WILL develop nueropathy! I WILL lose all feeling in my feet. There is no "Well if I keep my blood sugars in control" conditional. I fear that this also extends to other health issues that can be caused by diabetes. You know, nerve damage, kidney problems, blindness.... granted I can stave it off as long as I can, but I fear that it will happen! It's no longer a thing about keeping my blood sugars in control.... It doesn't matter. And I'm bitter. I want to be able to spend a long healthy life with Rob and our kids. I want to experience things with them and so I will keep my blood sugars in control. But it's hard to keep things in focus sometimes when you know eventually this disease that you didn't ask for will take your foot, or kidney, or eyes or nerves or whatever. And so I'm angry. Angry that I have to work hard on my health for the rest of my life; harder than any normal healthy person.
And so my holidays begin. They begin with a new outlook on my diabetes that I'm not a huge fan about... Time to start working through this.... again. I'm sure that this will happen from time to time. I hope your holidays have started off better than mine.
Anyway, we went to our first Holiday party of the season. And YES! I totally splurged! Oh that yummy chocolate walnut bundt cake was AWESOME! NUMMER, NUMMER NUMMER! Anyway, we sat down at a table by ourselves and this old man from the ward came and sat next to me. We exchanged greetings and that was it. We got in line for our food, and came back to the table. The man hadn't gotten any food. So at this point, I tested my blood sugars, and the old man turns to me and says, "I'm sorry." I wasn't too shocked that he knew what I was doing. But then he said, "My son has Type 1 too." I was completely baffled that he even knew that there were more than 1 type of diabetes, let alone that he knew that I was Type 1. I asked him how he knew that I was Type 1 and he said, "Well, Type 2 can be reversed by diet and exercise. I see you're insulin dependent." WHAT!!?? We got to talking and I found out that 4 of his immediate family members have Type 1. We began to tell me about how one of them fell off their horse and damaged their pancreas and became Type 1.
Anyway, I guess this is when I began to feel more and more betrayed by my body. Had I damaged my pancreas, on accident or on purpose, that wold have been one thing. But to have my body produce an actual antibody that is killing off my beta cells!? Ugh! That just makes me bitter. I got sick with a virus and this is what I get!? I also think why I'm feeling bitter about it is because of my doctor's appointment almost 2 weeks ago now. He told me that no matter what I do, I WILL develop nueropathy! I WILL lose all feeling in my feet. There is no "Well if I keep my blood sugars in control" conditional. I fear that this also extends to other health issues that can be caused by diabetes. You know, nerve damage, kidney problems, blindness.... granted I can stave it off as long as I can, but I fear that it will happen! It's no longer a thing about keeping my blood sugars in control.... It doesn't matter. And I'm bitter. I want to be able to spend a long healthy life with Rob and our kids. I want to experience things with them and so I will keep my blood sugars in control. But it's hard to keep things in focus sometimes when you know eventually this disease that you didn't ask for will take your foot, or kidney, or eyes or nerves or whatever. And so I'm angry. Angry that I have to work hard on my health for the rest of my life; harder than any normal healthy person.
And so my holidays begin. They begin with a new outlook on my diabetes that I'm not a huge fan about... Time to start working through this.... again. I'm sure that this will happen from time to time. I hope your holidays have started off better than mine.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Thanksgiving/Birthday
So Friday was my birthday. I got a double whammy as far as diet goes. Thanksgiving and Birthday back to back. Normally, I wouldn't have cared and I would have gourged myself and splurged like it was nobodies business. But I didn't. I actually played it incredibly safe on Thanksgiving... all things considered. My numbers were really good all day.... until I had a fatty banana cream pie and a fatty pecan pie. Oh then my downfall hit on Friday.
I scored such great deals on Black Friday... Yes, I went... do not judge... I finally have pants that fit me and aren't 2 sizes too big. I also have proper running shoes and oh yeah, my daughter is finally fully clothed for winter, and just in time. So before you go, I can't believe you would go out shopping so early, it was worth every penny and every annoyance standing in lines and being up that early. BUT besides the point. I woke up and didn't want to take insulin, so I had one of my Greek yogurts. It is roughly a 1:1 ratio for protein to carbs and so my body slowly burns the carbs and I don't have to have insulin to help use the sugars because it's slowly being released and so my body can used what it's only slightly making to burn that off. And then it was down hill from there.
Rob took me to Chick-fil-a... I grew up with it and I LOVE chick-fil-a especially since I can feel slightly less guilty giving it Autumn since their chicken nuggets are whole meats and not processed squished chicken. I splurged and got the chicken nuggets and fries; instead of my healthy option of a wrap. And then for dinner... oh my dinner was delish! Rob made me my new favorite pizza. Salami, mushrooms, and red onions. nummer nummer nummers! Anyway... this is where I made my BIGGEST mistake. I had changed out the vial in my pre-filled pen and forgot to try the needle out before sticking myself. So I essentially gave myself air instead of insulin. And so I ate pizza and cake without any insulin... :( SOOOO not good. Anyway about 5 units, 3 tests, and 12 hours later, my numbers came back down from around 300 to 100... Phew...
But the mistakes don't end there. I forgot to take my long acting insulin Saturday morning. YIKES!!!!! My numbers were running so high! around 160 before dinner and barely under 180 after... oh I could not for the life of me understand why I was running so high, until I almost forgot to take my night dose of long acting insulin... I felt so Stupid! But yesterday, I was finally able to get my numbers under control and back where they are suppose to be. It was a very scary couple of days.... especially after what I learned at the doctors yesterday.
I had my 3 month check up with my primary doctor yesterday. He did a foot exam on me. It's where he had this tool that he hit and made it vibrate and then stuck it against my big toe and asked me to tell him when I couldn't feel the vibrations any more. I made it 12 seconds! This is good... because at 10... I can't go barefoot anymore. That means that nueropathy has set in and my feet are in a HUGE world of trouble. apparently nueropathy happens regardless of how in control of my blood sugars I am. What is nueropathy? It's when you loose all feeling in your feet. So I could step on a nail and not know it. Then I will be more prone to infections because I won't be able to heal as quickly... so many issues!!!!! I hate diabetes! Anyway, the doctor did say that if I can keep my blood sugars in control, the likely hood of me getting nueropathy in 5 years is lower... but instead it might take 15 or so years.... not quite old enough for me since I will only be 39 in 15 years and not quite ready to give up my barefoot days.... I really hope that I can put this off for longer than 15 years.... time will only tell.
Anyway I had a fantastic birthday regardless of my highs, but I'm happy that I can still enjoy cake and pizza on my birthday. But now to be good every day this month... except for holiday parties and the Christmas itself. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I scored such great deals on Black Friday... Yes, I went... do not judge... I finally have pants that fit me and aren't 2 sizes too big. I also have proper running shoes and oh yeah, my daughter is finally fully clothed for winter, and just in time. So before you go, I can't believe you would go out shopping so early, it was worth every penny and every annoyance standing in lines and being up that early. BUT besides the point. I woke up and didn't want to take insulin, so I had one of my Greek yogurts. It is roughly a 1:1 ratio for protein to carbs and so my body slowly burns the carbs and I don't have to have insulin to help use the sugars because it's slowly being released and so my body can used what it's only slightly making to burn that off. And then it was down hill from there.
Rob took me to Chick-fil-a... I grew up with it and I LOVE chick-fil-a especially since I can feel slightly less guilty giving it Autumn since their chicken nuggets are whole meats and not processed squished chicken. I splurged and got the chicken nuggets and fries; instead of my healthy option of a wrap. And then for dinner... oh my dinner was delish! Rob made me my new favorite pizza. Salami, mushrooms, and red onions. nummer nummer nummers! Anyway... this is where I made my BIGGEST mistake. I had changed out the vial in my pre-filled pen and forgot to try the needle out before sticking myself. So I essentially gave myself air instead of insulin. And so I ate pizza and cake without any insulin... :( SOOOO not good. Anyway about 5 units, 3 tests, and 12 hours later, my numbers came back down from around 300 to 100... Phew...
But the mistakes don't end there. I forgot to take my long acting insulin Saturday morning. YIKES!!!!! My numbers were running so high! around 160 before dinner and barely under 180 after... oh I could not for the life of me understand why I was running so high, until I almost forgot to take my night dose of long acting insulin... I felt so Stupid! But yesterday, I was finally able to get my numbers under control and back where they are suppose to be. It was a very scary couple of days.... especially after what I learned at the doctors yesterday.
I had my 3 month check up with my primary doctor yesterday. He did a foot exam on me. It's where he had this tool that he hit and made it vibrate and then stuck it against my big toe and asked me to tell him when I couldn't feel the vibrations any more. I made it 12 seconds! This is good... because at 10... I can't go barefoot anymore. That means that nueropathy has set in and my feet are in a HUGE world of trouble. apparently nueropathy happens regardless of how in control of my blood sugars I am. What is nueropathy? It's when you loose all feeling in your feet. So I could step on a nail and not know it. Then I will be more prone to infections because I won't be able to heal as quickly... so many issues!!!!! I hate diabetes! Anyway, the doctor did say that if I can keep my blood sugars in control, the likely hood of me getting nueropathy in 5 years is lower... but instead it might take 15 or so years.... not quite old enough for me since I will only be 39 in 15 years and not quite ready to give up my barefoot days.... I really hope that I can put this off for longer than 15 years.... time will only tell.
Anyway I had a fantastic birthday regardless of my highs, but I'm happy that I can still enjoy cake and pizza on my birthday. But now to be good every day this month... except for holiday parties and the Christmas itself. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
The Delinquent Pancreas Club
Last night was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun. I can't stop talking about it, it was so much fun. About 2 months ago, I stumbled upon this awesome support group called "The Delinquent Pancreas Club". The last couple of events we weren't able to attend because one was a really long hike and Autumn wouldn't have liked being in the back pack for that long. And the other was a Sunday brunch thing at a restaurant. Anyway, last night they had a potluck dinner called "Fakesgiving". It was essentially a Thanksgiving dinner but not on Thanksgiving. And it was AWESOME!
It was so awesome to be able to sit around with other Type 1 diabetics and discuss our diagnosis and how we were handling things and complaining about other people that just didn't understand what we were going through. What was awesome was seeing the spouses or significant others of those supporting their diabetic counter parts. I just felt so at ease and finally felt normal!
This group of people were amazing and just genuinely nice people. I normally don't like these kinds of things because I tend to be really awkward or I don't know how to act or know what to say. I was tend to be a social recluse and try to hide and just observe. But these people really cared about what I was going through and wanted to help and wanted to support. They let me vent about how my diagnosing doctor was probably the most incompetent doctor when it comes to diabetes.
Anyway, there were about 4 of the 7 diabetics there last night that were diagnosed when they were adults too. It was so awesome to meet other people that knew what I have been going through. I've known type 1 diabetics before, but they had all been diagnosed when they were children... So naturally I have felt VERY alone in that I didn't know anyone else diagnosed when they were an adult. I really envied those that had been diagnosed as children because there are camps and other big support group type of things that they can go to and meet other Type 1 diabetics. I don't get the opportunity. But this group, it replaces the need for the camps or anything else like that. AND I get to make more friends.
I just can't get over how fun last night was and can't wait to meet other diabetics and have more meet ups! I'm just so happy! Well and there is also the fact that it was probably dumped about 1 1/2 feet to 2 feet of snow here in the last 3 days. It's so beautiful and I'm excited to go snowboarding!
It was so awesome to be able to sit around with other Type 1 diabetics and discuss our diagnosis and how we were handling things and complaining about other people that just didn't understand what we were going through. What was awesome was seeing the spouses or significant others of those supporting their diabetic counter parts. I just felt so at ease and finally felt normal!
This group of people were amazing and just genuinely nice people. I normally don't like these kinds of things because I tend to be really awkward or I don't know how to act or know what to say. I was tend to be a social recluse and try to hide and just observe. But these people really cared about what I was going through and wanted to help and wanted to support. They let me vent about how my diagnosing doctor was probably the most incompetent doctor when it comes to diabetes.
Anyway, there were about 4 of the 7 diabetics there last night that were diagnosed when they were adults too. It was so awesome to meet other people that knew what I have been going through. I've known type 1 diabetics before, but they had all been diagnosed when they were children... So naturally I have felt VERY alone in that I didn't know anyone else diagnosed when they were an adult. I really envied those that had been diagnosed as children because there are camps and other big support group type of things that they can go to and meet other Type 1 diabetics. I don't get the opportunity. But this group, it replaces the need for the camps or anything else like that. AND I get to make more friends.
I just can't get over how fun last night was and can't wait to meet other diabetics and have more meet ups! I'm just so happy! Well and there is also the fact that it was probably dumped about 1 1/2 feet to 2 feet of snow here in the last 3 days. It's so beautiful and I'm excited to go snowboarding!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
National Diabetes Awareness Month
So November is National Diabetes Awareness Month and I couldn't think of a better month for lots of reasons... primarily it's also my Birthday month! Happy diabetes and birthday month to me! I'm not going to write a blog every day with some interesting factoid mainly because that would be a LOT of writing and I just do NOT have the time for that, but also because I'm sure that I would continue to loose viewership on my blog. If I wouldn't want to read about that every day and have that filling up my news feed, I doubt a lot of other people would too... But anyway...
First and foremost, November 14th is World Diabetes Day and they are having a "Go Blue" campaign this year. All around the world countries will be lighting up different monuments with a blue light, such as the Sydney opera house, the Empire State Building and other famous landmarks and buildings. Some will even light a blue candle at work or put a blue light bulb in their house lights outside as a sign. I probably won't do this mainly because I can't light candles at work and well I rent a basement and don't have a home that is a) visible to the general populace and b) my landlord probably wouldn't like that all that much.At any rate, I will be wearing blue for sure on November 14th with a sign on cubicle at work. I might even make a button to wear or something.
Now, I know that Type 2 will get the most attention because let's face it, 90-95% of all diabetics are Type 2. But please remember that Type 1 is equally, if not arguably, more important. Type 1 affects only 5-10% of diabetics, but it is still an issue that needs research done for a cure. Type 1 diabetics did not have the choice. Their bodies decided to attack their pancreas. We are just not insulin resistant. It's not that we can't use the insulin we produce, but we don't produce any. Also 80% of all Type 1 diabetics do no have a family history of Type 1 in their family. I fall into that 80%. This was a huge surprise to me.
Interesting factoid that my endocrinologist explained to me. As many of you know, I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with Autumn. It wasn't the gestational diabetes that caused my Type 1 diabetes, but rather my Type 1 diabetes that caused my gestational diabetes. It took a few more years for my diabetes to fully onset, but it would. So regardless of me getting pregnant or not, I would have eventually become a Type 1 diabetic. That was how it was always going to be and there was nothing I could have done to stop it.
Now I know that it seems like I rip on Type 2 diabetics a lot, but they need help too. The general populace needs to know how to care for their bodies. Diabetes needs to be more of a concern for people. Please know that if you take care of your body by eating a healthy, well balanced meal and work out that your risk for Type 2 diabetes decreases significantly! There is always a case where genetics plays a part and I know that can't really be helped, but you can help control your diabetes as well by simply eating healthy and exercising. Please remember that diabetes is a very serious disease and that we need to help educate people to make healthy decisions and make people aware of the seriousness of the disease. If you have any questions regarding the effects of diabetes on your body, or diets for diabetics, let me know! I'm more than happy to answer questions where I can.
Remember! Go Blue!
First and foremost, November 14th is World Diabetes Day and they are having a "Go Blue" campaign this year. All around the world countries will be lighting up different monuments with a blue light, such as the Sydney opera house, the Empire State Building and other famous landmarks and buildings. Some will even light a blue candle at work or put a blue light bulb in their house lights outside as a sign. I probably won't do this mainly because I can't light candles at work and well I rent a basement and don't have a home that is a) visible to the general populace and b) my landlord probably wouldn't like that all that much.At any rate, I will be wearing blue for sure on November 14th with a sign on cubicle at work. I might even make a button to wear or something.
Now, I know that Type 2 will get the most attention because let's face it, 90-95% of all diabetics are Type 2. But please remember that Type 1 is equally, if not arguably, more important. Type 1 affects only 5-10% of diabetics, but it is still an issue that needs research done for a cure. Type 1 diabetics did not have the choice. Their bodies decided to attack their pancreas. We are just not insulin resistant. It's not that we can't use the insulin we produce, but we don't produce any. Also 80% of all Type 1 diabetics do no have a family history of Type 1 in their family. I fall into that 80%. This was a huge surprise to me.
Interesting factoid that my endocrinologist explained to me. As many of you know, I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with Autumn. It wasn't the gestational diabetes that caused my Type 1 diabetes, but rather my Type 1 diabetes that caused my gestational diabetes. It took a few more years for my diabetes to fully onset, but it would. So regardless of me getting pregnant or not, I would have eventually become a Type 1 diabetic. That was how it was always going to be and there was nothing I could have done to stop it.
Now I know that it seems like I rip on Type 2 diabetics a lot, but they need help too. The general populace needs to know how to care for their bodies. Diabetes needs to be more of a concern for people. Please know that if you take care of your body by eating a healthy, well balanced meal and work out that your risk for Type 2 diabetes decreases significantly! There is always a case where genetics plays a part and I know that can't really be helped, but you can help control your diabetes as well by simply eating healthy and exercising. Please remember that diabetes is a very serious disease and that we need to help educate people to make healthy decisions and make people aware of the seriousness of the disease. If you have any questions regarding the effects of diabetes on your body, or diets for diabetics, let me know! I'm more than happy to answer questions where I can.
Remember! Go Blue!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Appreciation
When I started this blog I said that this was mainly for me to be able to express what I was going through and how it's affecting my day to day life. While that is still true, I feel selfish sometimes because I do all lot of ranting and complaining and talking about me and my life and my family and my disease. Me, me, me, me, me. My viewership has gone way done on my blog and I feel that my ranting and complaining contributed to that. I mean only one person has asked me a question for my future Q&A post... which might not happen... But I'm not going to apologize for ranting and complaining. It actually helped me from spiraling into a depression after being diagnosed.
My family has a history of depression. I've been depressed before because of medications I was on. It was so bad, I hated everyone. And I mean everyone. I felt the world was out to get me. I quickly figured out what was causing it and remedied it, but it took me almost a whole year and half to FINALLY feel like myself again. I hated being depressed. It put a HUGE damper on my marriage and my family. I fortunately have a wonderful, patient, and loving husband. So, the point of me telling you this is so that you can understand that I needed to do that. I couldn't afford to spiral into another depression. My ranting and complaining were for me to blow off steam rather than letting it build up, get depressed, stop taking my insulin, and land myself into the hospital because I DKA'd. (Most newly diagnosed Type 1 diabetics are hospitalized because their blood sugars get too high so their bodies start burning the fat for energy which turns into deadly ketones.)
However, despite feeling selfish for writing this blog all about me, I have heard from several friends, whom I haven't talked to in YEARS. Since High school even. All of them have had encouraging words for me. One even told me that she's going to specialize in diabetes in Pharmaceutical School and that my blog has given her an unique perspective and courage to continue doing it. Others have told me that I have been inspiring because they too know someone with Type 2 or Pre diabetes. Many friends have spoken with my parents and have said that I am truly amazing and such a strong woman to be dealing with everything that I have been.
This has brought me such joy. Not because it has fed my ego (but that does help), but rather that it has brought me satisfaction that someone out there is getting something from my blog and that it isn't all about me. I can tell you now, I do not feel like a strong woman. Most days, I feel broken and feel that I could be stronger. I feel like I'm just trying to get through each day. Each day brings new stresses and surprises as far as my diabetes go. I have extreme lows and extreme highs and I'm not sure what causes them. I'm still learning and I still get frustrated. This disease can be incredibly difficult. But knowing that I can encourage people through my blog gives me some satisfaction in that this is worth it if I can just reach one person. I don't care if someone out there thinks my blog is all about me, me, me, me, me. It helps me and at least one other person. And I am so grateful for that.
Just remember, ALL diabetics need love and support, not judging and disgusted faces as they stab and prick themselves.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I'm a 6.4!
Oh such exciting news! I went to my first endocrinologist appointment yesterday. It was such an uplifting experience and such a relief listening to a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system. The weight of this disease just continues to be lifted off of my shoulders. My experience just keeps getting better and better. I thought that this was seriously going to ruin my life and make things much more difficult to enjoy family functions or any gathering for that matter. I'm such a foodie. I love to bake and cook and eat scrumptious food!
I mean seriously! I am SUCH a foodie! General Conference was such a different experience this time around. We ate typical meals with no snacking in between. Usually, I prepare cookies, rice krispie treats, or other goodies, and we have such a big breakfast with stuffed french toast and homemade strawberry syrup. Oh the yumminess! I missed it this year!!! :( Such a sad day! Really. BUT!!!!
I have finally figured things out. Being overweight cause the diabetes to take control of you. If I can keep my weight under control through diet and exercise, then I'm not going to punish myself for having a big sugary something every once in a while. As long as I balance my diet properly with the carbs, protein, veggies, and fruits, I will be able to maintain my weight. The reason why I can't do it ALL of the time is because insulin is a growth hormone. Being on man-made insulin is a lot worse for maintaining weight. Because I can't make it on my own, it means the more insulin I take, the more weight I gain. So if I was having an extra 60 sugary carbs every day then I would gain weight so much quicker than those that don't take insulin. That's really the reason why I can't just have whatever I want whenever I want. BUT I'm ok with that. This mentality has helped me get through it. I'll have 15 carbs of a sugar-free dessert more often than not. You know pudding or something. I just make sure that I go running or a really fast walk to help burn off those calories and fat.
ANYWAY! Not really part of the point that I'm a 6.4! So I had my A1C taken again yesterday and my number dropped from an 8.1 to a 6.4... to put it in perspective 7 is normal average blood sugar number. So that means that 6.4 means that my average blood sugars have been around 137! That's awesome! This also means that I can get pregnant now, so long as I keep my numbers under control.... BUT!!! That won't happen for a long while. My pregnancy needs to be a focus. I can't have Rob's schooling outshining my pregnancy. I need to be a focus; my health needs to be a focus. It's important that we focus on keeping my blood sugars under control for the baby and for me.
Did you know that my risk of every complication that could happen (still birth, miscarriage, etc.) is 2-4 times greater than those that don't have diabetes. That's really scary! I don't know if I could handle that. I guess time will only tell.... But it is important to note that as long as I can keep my numbers under control, everything can be as normal as that of a non-diabetic. The problem only being that my numbers are going to be VERY hard to control. I can do the exact same thing over and over but then one day/week/month, I won't be able to control it no matter how much insulin I take. It's going to happen and that's why it needs to be a priority. My health and the baby's health is much more important than Rob's schooling. But since Rob's schooling cannot and should not be delayed, baby will be delayed.
Anyway, that is it for tonight. I'm loving life, I'm loving my decisions, I'm loving my diabetes, I'm loving that I'm getting better. That is all!
I mean seriously! I am SUCH a foodie! General Conference was such a different experience this time around. We ate typical meals with no snacking in between. Usually, I prepare cookies, rice krispie treats, or other goodies, and we have such a big breakfast with stuffed french toast and homemade strawberry syrup. Oh the yumminess! I missed it this year!!! :( Such a sad day! Really. BUT!!!!
I have finally figured things out. Being overweight cause the diabetes to take control of you. If I can keep my weight under control through diet and exercise, then I'm not going to punish myself for having a big sugary something every once in a while. As long as I balance my diet properly with the carbs, protein, veggies, and fruits, I will be able to maintain my weight. The reason why I can't do it ALL of the time is because insulin is a growth hormone. Being on man-made insulin is a lot worse for maintaining weight. Because I can't make it on my own, it means the more insulin I take, the more weight I gain. So if I was having an extra 60 sugary carbs every day then I would gain weight so much quicker than those that don't take insulin. That's really the reason why I can't just have whatever I want whenever I want. BUT I'm ok with that. This mentality has helped me get through it. I'll have 15 carbs of a sugar-free dessert more often than not. You know pudding or something. I just make sure that I go running or a really fast walk to help burn off those calories and fat.
ANYWAY! Not really part of the point that I'm a 6.4! So I had my A1C taken again yesterday and my number dropped from an 8.1 to a 6.4... to put it in perspective 7 is normal average blood sugar number. So that means that 6.4 means that my average blood sugars have been around 137! That's awesome! This also means that I can get pregnant now, so long as I keep my numbers under control.... BUT!!! That won't happen for a long while. My pregnancy needs to be a focus. I can't have Rob's schooling outshining my pregnancy. I need to be a focus; my health needs to be a focus. It's important that we focus on keeping my blood sugars under control for the baby and for me.
Did you know that my risk of every complication that could happen (still birth, miscarriage, etc.) is 2-4 times greater than those that don't have diabetes. That's really scary! I don't know if I could handle that. I guess time will only tell.... But it is important to note that as long as I can keep my numbers under control, everything can be as normal as that of a non-diabetic. The problem only being that my numbers are going to be VERY hard to control. I can do the exact same thing over and over but then one day/week/month, I won't be able to control it no matter how much insulin I take. It's going to happen and that's why it needs to be a priority. My health and the baby's health is much more important than Rob's schooling. But since Rob's schooling cannot and should not be delayed, baby will be delayed.
Anyway, that is it for tonight. I'm loving life, I'm loving my decisions, I'm loving my diabetes, I'm loving that I'm getting better. That is all!
Friday, October 12, 2012
I have a question...
So one of Autumn's favorite sayings lately has been "I have a question." To which we respond with, "ok, what is it?" but then she doesn't actually ask anything. I think it's super cute. Of course, most of what Autumn does, I think is pretty cute...
But why am I talking about this?? Well it's quite elementary my dear. I want you to ask me questions about diabetes, about dieting, about weight loss... anything! Now, I'm not going to say that I know all of the answers and will be able to give you the best answers to my knowledge and/or I will research the answers as best as I can.
The reason for this? As I began to think about the general populace's knowledge about diabetes, I thought that a video of Q&A would be helpful. Rob has a YouTube channel and he wants to do more educational kind of videos. So I want to educate you. Just remember, I am still learning about this quite a bit too. I still have questions. But I want you to. You can facebook me or email me or leave a question. For security reasons I'm not going to be giving out my email address, but most of those that read my blog have my facebook. And if not, you are reading my blog and can quite easily leave me a comment below!
Now bring on the questions! I'm excited to help you understand better and help me understand better too!
But why am I talking about this?? Well it's quite elementary my dear. I want you to ask me questions about diabetes, about dieting, about weight loss... anything! Now, I'm not going to say that I know all of the answers and will be able to give you the best answers to my knowledge and/or I will research the answers as best as I can.
The reason for this? As I began to think about the general populace's knowledge about diabetes, I thought that a video of Q&A would be helpful. Rob has a YouTube channel and he wants to do more educational kind of videos. So I want to educate you. Just remember, I am still learning about this quite a bit too. I still have questions. But I want you to. You can facebook me or email me or leave a question. For security reasons I'm not going to be giving out my email address, but most of those that read my blog have my facebook. And if not, you are reading my blog and can quite easily leave me a comment below!
Now bring on the questions! I'm excited to help you understand better and help me understand better too!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Feeling Healthy
On my run tonight, I had realized that I have written anything in about a week. And I began to think why the number of posts have dropped significantly... I realized that I'm in the "swing of things" now with taking care of this. I never imagined that I would have my numbers under control so quickly. My doctor told me that it would take 3-6 months, yet here I am in just over 2 months and I already have my numbers under control. I mean sure, it helps that I'm on insulin, but that's really besides the point.
I have NEVER felt so healthy in my life. I feel more energetic than I think even when I was in high school. I'm thinner than I EVER was in high school. I'm not saying that I was chubby, but I definitely was not the size that most girls were. I was a bit thicker... but I never thought myself fat... But I feel like I'm at a healthy weight, size, EVERYTHING. I can't believe the difference exercise and healthy eating can have.
Now let me make a disclaimer on here. I am doing better than I was doing for sure. I am definitely doing leaps and bounds better than the average american. However, I still treat myself to a yummy sweet. Old habits die hard!! I tell you what!
The thing is this, while I cannot control my diabetes with diet and exercise alone, I'm doing it to help control my diabetes. By eating low fat foods, less sweets, and low sodium foods I can help control my weight and the amount of fat that ends up in my blood. Exercising allows the insulin that I inject to work better so I don't have to use as much. Here's what's so simple about the exercise I do: I go for a 30 minute jog a day. 30 minutes! That's it. Think about how much time you sit in front of your computer or your TV... Do you have 30 minutes a day that you could spare? If you said no, ... you might want to re-prioritize.
I know everyone is busy. I mean come on! Look at me! I'm a mother and a wife! I have 3 full time jobs! 1) Watson 2) Mom 3) Diabetes. I have to work full time to support my husband through school, then come home and take care of a fairly rambunctious 2 year old, all while managing my diet, exercising and blood sugars! If I can do it and find 30 minutes to spare, then I think that you can too!
Here's my challenge to all of those that still read my blog. Just start with 15 minutes. Take a walk. You don't have to start out running like I did. I started out running because I had been exercising before... just not running. Walking is just perfect. Just start. Do something. ANYTHING! Start with being more active then look at your diet. Let me know how being active goes! Leave a comment below!
I have NEVER felt so healthy in my life. I feel more energetic than I think even when I was in high school. I'm thinner than I EVER was in high school. I'm not saying that I was chubby, but I definitely was not the size that most girls were. I was a bit thicker... but I never thought myself fat... But I feel like I'm at a healthy weight, size, EVERYTHING. I can't believe the difference exercise and healthy eating can have.
Now let me make a disclaimer on here. I am doing better than I was doing for sure. I am definitely doing leaps and bounds better than the average american. However, I still treat myself to a yummy sweet. Old habits die hard!! I tell you what!
The thing is this, while I cannot control my diabetes with diet and exercise alone, I'm doing it to help control my diabetes. By eating low fat foods, less sweets, and low sodium foods I can help control my weight and the amount of fat that ends up in my blood. Exercising allows the insulin that I inject to work better so I don't have to use as much. Here's what's so simple about the exercise I do: I go for a 30 minute jog a day. 30 minutes! That's it. Think about how much time you sit in front of your computer or your TV... Do you have 30 minutes a day that you could spare? If you said no, ... you might want to re-prioritize.
I know everyone is busy. I mean come on! Look at me! I'm a mother and a wife! I have 3 full time jobs! 1) Watson 2) Mom 3) Diabetes. I have to work full time to support my husband through school, then come home and take care of a fairly rambunctious 2 year old, all while managing my diet, exercising and blood sugars! If I can do it and find 30 minutes to spare, then I think that you can too!
Here's my challenge to all of those that still read my blog. Just start with 15 minutes. Take a walk. You don't have to start out running like I did. I started out running because I had been exercising before... just not running. Walking is just perfect. Just start. Do something. ANYTHING! Start with being more active then look at your diet. Let me know how being active goes! Leave a comment below!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
4 years and counting
So this blog post goes out to my dear, sweet husband, Rob! Today was the day 4 years ago that he danced into my life and I have to say, I can't believe that I got so lucky. So why do I remember the day that we met? Well basically it's the day that we have both agreed upon that we started dating each other. After we met, we saw each other every day for the rest of the semester except for when he went to SLC for his grandma's funeral. While we weren't technically exclusive until after we had the DTR talk (define the relationship), we were definitely not seeing anybody else between the time we met to that talk.
I'm so grateful for the fateful night that brought him into my life. I still can't believe how forward I was when I met him. I mean seriously! What girl in their right mind would say, "Hey Sam, do you mind if I cut in? I think that he's pretty cute and would like to dance with him!" I still shudder sometimes at how ridiculous I was! I was just saying things and doing things left and right that I wouldn't have done in a MILLION years in front of a cute guy, and yet there I was just acting like a twitterpated 17 year old again! *plants face in palms* But hey! I got the guy! My saving grace? Letting him know that I was a huge fan of Stargate and that I knew about the Sci Fi channel and Sci Fi shows! I mean really... he thought he was marrying a nerd, but what he got instead was a horribly emotional girl with a lot of problems! Poor sucker!
But he has been my saving grace! He has been there for me for the good, the bad, and the Uuugly! Seriously! He put up with me when my hormones were CRAZY imbalanced and I was always annoyed at every little thing that he did. (btw-that isn't the case anymore. I noticed what was going on and I loved him that much that I knew I needed to remedy that quickly) He put up with me when I broke down and cried for hours after my diagnosis. He put up with my uuuugly crying when I thought for more than 3 days that we would possibly never have children again. He puts up with my crazy baby obsession and gently reminds me that we can't do it because my health is more important. He lets me be the independent woman that I am but is always there when I need a hug or I just need to cry. This man was a gift from God and I'm so incredibly blessed to have him in my life.
I'm grateful to this wonderful man who has supported and cared for me these last 4 years, but especially during the last 2 months. Going from a possible infertility issue to Type 1 diabetes, this man has only cared about me and how this will affect us going forward. He has made sure that I do everything that I need and he hasn't watched me stick myself with a disgusted look on his face, but rather watching to understand what I am going through. Rob has been a huge blessing in my life! I'm grateful to him and for the way that he enriches my life.
Here's to many, many more years to come. Rob I love you!
I'm so grateful for the fateful night that brought him into my life. I still can't believe how forward I was when I met him. I mean seriously! What girl in their right mind would say, "Hey Sam, do you mind if I cut in? I think that he's pretty cute and would like to dance with him!" I still shudder sometimes at how ridiculous I was! I was just saying things and doing things left and right that I wouldn't have done in a MILLION years in front of a cute guy, and yet there I was just acting like a twitterpated 17 year old again! *plants face in palms* But hey! I got the guy! My saving grace? Letting him know that I was a huge fan of Stargate and that I knew about the Sci Fi channel and Sci Fi shows! I mean really... he thought he was marrying a nerd, but what he got instead was a horribly emotional girl with a lot of problems! Poor sucker!
But he has been my saving grace! He has been there for me for the good, the bad, and the Uuugly! Seriously! He put up with me when my hormones were CRAZY imbalanced and I was always annoyed at every little thing that he did. (btw-that isn't the case anymore. I noticed what was going on and I loved him that much that I knew I needed to remedy that quickly) He put up with me when I broke down and cried for hours after my diagnosis. He put up with my uuuugly crying when I thought for more than 3 days that we would possibly never have children again. He puts up with my crazy baby obsession and gently reminds me that we can't do it because my health is more important. He lets me be the independent woman that I am but is always there when I need a hug or I just need to cry. This man was a gift from God and I'm so incredibly blessed to have him in my life.
I'm grateful to this wonderful man who has supported and cared for me these last 4 years, but especially during the last 2 months. Going from a possible infertility issue to Type 1 diabetes, this man has only cared about me and how this will affect us going forward. He has made sure that I do everything that I need and he hasn't watched me stick myself with a disgusted look on his face, but rather watching to understand what I am going through. Rob has been a huge blessing in my life! I'm grateful to him and for the way that he enriches my life.
Here's to many, many more years to come. Rob I love you!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Divine Intervention
So I normally don't talk about my spiritual experiences, because they are mine. I treasure them. I made the mistake when I was younger to divulge some and it lead to me looking like a fool because what I thought were promptings, probably weren't really promptings... BUT lesson learned. And I don't share them with many people if I do at all. But this particular one saved my life and I'm so grateful. No really, it really did save my life.
So I was on my daily jog on Friday night. Granted it was a little later than I normally go running. I like to go run before the sun sets, so my jogs have been getting earlier which means dinner has been getting earlier... Anyway, Rob and I went out to dinner on Friday night. Usually when I eat out, my blood sugars tend to run higher than if I eat at home. I'm still getting a grasp on this whole carb counting thing and protein ratio etc. Anyway, I took the insulin that I thought would be enough just to keep me under 150.
So on my jogs I take Autumn in the jogging stroller for a few reasons. 1) I don't like running alone and since Rob won't go with me... and 2) it keeps me from having to go longer runs because the resistance makes me burn more calories. Awesome! Anyway, so I had Autumn with me and I was planning on doing my 1.8 mile jog and not my 1.1 mile jog. I was prepping for a 5K and wanted to make sure that I had the strength to do the whole thing.
Well there I was jogging and I had just gotten to the point where I can either turn and do just the 1.1 mile jog or I could have gone straight to do the 1.8 mile jog. Just then the thought came very loudly, "Turn! Turn now!" I thought it was me wimping out because it was a bit later than I usually run. But as I was just passing the street, the thought came even louder and said "Turn now!" So instead of questioning it this time, I turned around and slowed down to walk down the hill. (I don't like running down hills... bad on the knees). That's when I felt it. I was shaking and I was LOW! I called Rob to have him come pick me up. He brought me a piece of bread. I ate the bread slowly and weakly but ate it all before he had gotten Autumn and the stroller in the car. On the way home I started to feel like I could have finished that run. I felt like I did wimp out.
But then we got home. I tested my blood sugars. I was at 66 AFTER eating the bread! Who knows what I actually was BEFORE I ate the bread! Oh my goodness! (For those who don't know anything about blood sugar numbers-- anything below 70 is hypoglycemic and is INCREDIBLY dangerous because you can pass out.) SCARY! right!? The only reason I didn't realize I was low until after I stopped jogging and started walking was because I was not focused on how I felt, but rather just trying to make it to the end of the street.
So had I not heeded that prompting who knows what could have happened. But let's just speculate for a minute. Had I kept going, I could have passed out on the street in a part of the neighborhood where not a lot of cars drive past because it's in the corner. I had Autumn with me! I mean she would have started screaming eventually and hopefully neighbors would have been home. But let's not forget that I would have passed out on the street and taken a pretty good fall and would have been busted up pretty good. I can't help but feel like this prompting saved my life.
Since being diagnosed, I have had to rely on the Lord for a lot of strength. Like I have said before, I have felt the Lord's hand in my acceptance of this and giving me the strength to just make it day to day. It's been hard, but I know that I could not have done it without his strength lifting me up and helping me understand what's going on and how to help myself. I feel that my relationship with Him is growing everyday. I feel that because of that growing relationship I was ready and willing to hear that prompting that saved my life.
I know that I am not necessarily the most outspoken spiritual person, but I felt very strongly about writing about this. This is me being grateful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Him caring about me so much that he saved my life.
So I was on my daily jog on Friday night. Granted it was a little later than I normally go running. I like to go run before the sun sets, so my jogs have been getting earlier which means dinner has been getting earlier... Anyway, Rob and I went out to dinner on Friday night. Usually when I eat out, my blood sugars tend to run higher than if I eat at home. I'm still getting a grasp on this whole carb counting thing and protein ratio etc. Anyway, I took the insulin that I thought would be enough just to keep me under 150.
So on my jogs I take Autumn in the jogging stroller for a few reasons. 1) I don't like running alone and since Rob won't go with me... and 2) it keeps me from having to go longer runs because the resistance makes me burn more calories. Awesome! Anyway, so I had Autumn with me and I was planning on doing my 1.8 mile jog and not my 1.1 mile jog. I was prepping for a 5K and wanted to make sure that I had the strength to do the whole thing.
Well there I was jogging and I had just gotten to the point where I can either turn and do just the 1.1 mile jog or I could have gone straight to do the 1.8 mile jog. Just then the thought came very loudly, "Turn! Turn now!" I thought it was me wimping out because it was a bit later than I usually run. But as I was just passing the street, the thought came even louder and said "Turn now!" So instead of questioning it this time, I turned around and slowed down to walk down the hill. (I don't like running down hills... bad on the knees). That's when I felt it. I was shaking and I was LOW! I called Rob to have him come pick me up. He brought me a piece of bread. I ate the bread slowly and weakly but ate it all before he had gotten Autumn and the stroller in the car. On the way home I started to feel like I could have finished that run. I felt like I did wimp out.
But then we got home. I tested my blood sugars. I was at 66 AFTER eating the bread! Who knows what I actually was BEFORE I ate the bread! Oh my goodness! (For those who don't know anything about blood sugar numbers-- anything below 70 is hypoglycemic and is INCREDIBLY dangerous because you can pass out.) SCARY! right!? The only reason I didn't realize I was low until after I stopped jogging and started walking was because I was not focused on how I felt, but rather just trying to make it to the end of the street.
So had I not heeded that prompting who knows what could have happened. But let's just speculate for a minute. Had I kept going, I could have passed out on the street in a part of the neighborhood where not a lot of cars drive past because it's in the corner. I had Autumn with me! I mean she would have started screaming eventually and hopefully neighbors would have been home. But let's not forget that I would have passed out on the street and taken a pretty good fall and would have been busted up pretty good. I can't help but feel like this prompting saved my life.
Since being diagnosed, I have had to rely on the Lord for a lot of strength. Like I have said before, I have felt the Lord's hand in my acceptance of this and giving me the strength to just make it day to day. It's been hard, but I know that I could not have done it without his strength lifting me up and helping me understand what's going on and how to help myself. I feel that my relationship with Him is growing everyday. I feel that because of that growing relationship I was ready and willing to hear that prompting that saved my life.
I know that I am not necessarily the most outspoken spiritual person, but I felt very strongly about writing about this. This is me being grateful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Him caring about me so much that he saved my life.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Acceptance
I can't explain exactly how I feel-- it's very hard to put into words. This last month and half I guess it's like I have been holding on to this ball... a heavy medicine ball. On Monday, I don't know why or how it changed, but I feel like I'm not carrying it anymore. I also feel like I was carrying around a "I'm Diabetic" flashing sign above my head and now I feel like I'm only wearing a name tag. I can't explain how and why I feel like this switch has happened... it just has. And I am so grateful. This burden of being diabetic is really difficult to deal with, but now that I'm feeling more at ease about it, I feel like I can handle whatever is thrown my way.
In other words, I feel like I have accepted what's happened. I feel like I can move on. I am sure that I will have my good days and my bad days. Every diabetic does. My dietitians that have had diabetes for 20+ years have bad days. It's a difficult disease that can't be cured and can only be regulated by daily medicine... it's going to suck. But I feel so at peace with this. I can't explain what switched in me that allowed me come to this peace...
Personally, I feel an answer to my many prayers and many blessings that my dear husband has given me. I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this acceptance so that I can focus on getting it under control and making those life changes without resenting what's going on. I feel He has freed me from my anger to help me figure out how to help myself and my family live healthy and to take care of my body.
A lot of my thoughts have lead me often to thought that our bodies are on loan from our Heavenly Father and we MUST take care of them. Think about it like this: If you leased a car, would you take care of it, or would you let it get gross and disgusting and try turning it in at the end of your lease? Would you do that!? NO! You would take care of it so that you don't have to pay for the damages incurred on the car. So then why, when we know that our bodies are on loan from Heavenly Father, would we not take care of the bodies that He so graciously gave us that we could live a mortal life? Doesn't make sense. This is where my thoughts have led me a lot lately. My body is on loan and this disease is making me live healthy and making me take care of my body. -- Not that I was actually not taking care of my body... I exercised and was trying to change my diet slowly to get my diet more balanced. I was on the right track. I lost 30 pounds... I was thinner and healthier than I was even in high school. I mean I'm wearing a size 6 jean! I have NEVER worn a size 6 jean! I can only remember ever wearing a size 10! That's 2 whole pant sizes smaller! So not only am I feeling better about my self image, but I'm healthier!
Anyway... enough with my bragging... (I totally think I deserve those bragging rights by the way... I worked hard for them... and I will continue to work hard to keep those rights). So the gist of this is that I have accepted that this is going to be good for me. It's going to force me to live the way that EVERYONE should live. I understand that it is hard. I have been there! I have been technically overweight by the BMI standards. This disease will not control me! I will control it! I'm grateful that when I'm 50 and possibly a grandmother that I will be healthy enough to travel and play with my grand-kids and that I won't be worn out. I'm grateful that I will be healthier than I have ever been because of this disease. Even if they find a cure in the next 5 years (highly unlikely by the way), I am determined to make these changes for life. I feel much better when I exercise and eat healthy. Try it! It's not fun at first, but I promise you once you get over that hard week, it's MUCH easier.
Acceptance! I finally have acceptance and peace!
In other words, I feel like I have accepted what's happened. I feel like I can move on. I am sure that I will have my good days and my bad days. Every diabetic does. My dietitians that have had diabetes for 20+ years have bad days. It's a difficult disease that can't be cured and can only be regulated by daily medicine... it's going to suck. But I feel so at peace with this. I can't explain what switched in me that allowed me come to this peace...
Personally, I feel an answer to my many prayers and many blessings that my dear husband has given me. I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this acceptance so that I can focus on getting it under control and making those life changes without resenting what's going on. I feel He has freed me from my anger to help me figure out how to help myself and my family live healthy and to take care of my body.
A lot of my thoughts have lead me often to thought that our bodies are on loan from our Heavenly Father and we MUST take care of them. Think about it like this: If you leased a car, would you take care of it, or would you let it get gross and disgusting and try turning it in at the end of your lease? Would you do that!? NO! You would take care of it so that you don't have to pay for the damages incurred on the car. So then why, when we know that our bodies are on loan from Heavenly Father, would we not take care of the bodies that He so graciously gave us that we could live a mortal life? Doesn't make sense. This is where my thoughts have led me a lot lately. My body is on loan and this disease is making me live healthy and making me take care of my body. -- Not that I was actually not taking care of my body... I exercised and was trying to change my diet slowly to get my diet more balanced. I was on the right track. I lost 30 pounds... I was thinner and healthier than I was even in high school. I mean I'm wearing a size 6 jean! I have NEVER worn a size 6 jean! I can only remember ever wearing a size 10! That's 2 whole pant sizes smaller! So not only am I feeling better about my self image, but I'm healthier!
Anyway... enough with my bragging... (I totally think I deserve those bragging rights by the way... I worked hard for them... and I will continue to work hard to keep those rights). So the gist of this is that I have accepted that this is going to be good for me. It's going to force me to live the way that EVERYONE should live. I understand that it is hard. I have been there! I have been technically overweight by the BMI standards. This disease will not control me! I will control it! I'm grateful that when I'm 50 and possibly a grandmother that I will be healthy enough to travel and play with my grand-kids and that I won't be worn out. I'm grateful that I will be healthier than I have ever been because of this disease. Even if they find a cure in the next 5 years (highly unlikely by the way), I am determined to make these changes for life. I feel much better when I exercise and eat healthy. Try it! It's not fun at first, but I promise you once you get over that hard week, it's MUCH easier.
Acceptance! I finally have acceptance and peace!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Shoes
So I have been thinking a lot lately. I realized in the last few days that I have been scattered brained and haven't really taken time to deal with the diagnosis on a personal level. I've been dealing with the disease but not really trying to put it in my life as part of me.
My dad gave me some good advice: "Two days from now, you're still going to be diabetic." He's absolutely right. There's no changing what's happened to me. What's happened has happened and all I can do is push forward and try to deal with this.
Even though I will continue to be diabetic, I'm having to learn who I am with diabetes. I'm not saying that I'm different in my personality or who I am since being diagnosed. I am saying that this experience has changed how I look at things, how I feel about certain things, and how I react to things. etc.
I know my blog so far has been quite a bit of ranting mixed with recipes. But I did put a disclaimer in here. This blog is primarily for my therapeutic reasoning. It has been a rough month and a half since being diagnosed. I have good days and I have bad days. It's really hard to see things in a big scope sometimes. I have a lot of anger towards what's happened. I have anger to the lack of knowledge the general population has for Type 1 diabetes. There's a lot of anger, and being able to talk about it and rant about it has helped me tremendously. Ranting has allowed me to stay stable emotionally for the most part. I haven't spiraled into depression that most early diagnosed diabetics do. I do have bad days and I usually cry quite often, because this sucks. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this. And yet, here it is.
I finally understand how sick people feel, thinking "Why God!? Why me!?" I admit, I have felt like that from time to time. I don't know why Heavenly Father allowed this to happen. Maybe I am meant to support something. Maybe this will make me more sympathetic towards others. I don't know. I just have to keep telling myself that lesson that we learn early on about trials and tribulations. God doesn't give us any more than we can handle. It's harder some days to remember that than others. But I think that's part of dealing with the disease.
Someone at church today gave me encouraging words when I was talking about it. She said that it seemed like I am in a good place with handling it and that I have a good mindset. While I don't have everything figured out, I am dealing with this well. It's nice to know that people I don't really talk with everyday or every Sunday either, still cares to know how I am doing and how I am handling everything. It makes me feel that less alone.
Yesterday, Rob did something that he normally doesn't. I'm not the type of girl that likes things whispered in my ear. I can't deal with it. I feel silly and like I'm 13. That's usually the case. However, there are times that those sweet nothings are needed. Rob did just that yesterday. I was having a "I don't care if my blood sugar is high" kind of day. He came over to me and hugged me from behind and told me that I was a strong woman and that he loved me. In all of this I haven't felt very strong. In fact, I have felt weak. I have felt broken. In that moment, I looked past over the last month and a half and all that I have already overcome and all that I have kept normal and stable, all while trying to control and figure out my disease. I can't believe how well I have kept things from falling apart-- as well as myself. I mean, if anyone can place themselves in my shoes, I think you would have a new found respect for me. I found it yesterday as I took a step back to see exactly what I have been through. It's been really rough and holy crap! I would not wish this on anyone... even if I hated them. My life is not easy, but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way... well... I could do without the diabetes, but since I don't have a choice, I will embrace it.
So in order to deal with this appropriately, I'm taking the next couple of days to reflect on this and who I want to be and what I want to change in my personality and who I am to accommodate this disease. I don't want it to change my personality, but I think I want to change how I view charities and foundations as well as being an active part in those. I believe EVERY disease has the right for fundraising to find a cure. I also am finding myself wanting a support group. I have never ever liked these kind of things before. I have never wanted to go to a therapist to deal with depression related to hormonal depression. And yet, here I am thinking about support groups and/or a therapist to help me handle what I am going through. I think those kinds of changes in me is a good thing. It makes me feel more sympathetic to everyone. It makes me in a position where I am more readily able and willing to put myself in other people shoes and what they are going through.
I am sure there will be another post within the next couple of days as I am going to be thinking a LOT.
~Diabetes is an art, not a science~
My dad gave me some good advice: "Two days from now, you're still going to be diabetic." He's absolutely right. There's no changing what's happened to me. What's happened has happened and all I can do is push forward and try to deal with this.
Even though I will continue to be diabetic, I'm having to learn who I am with diabetes. I'm not saying that I'm different in my personality or who I am since being diagnosed. I am saying that this experience has changed how I look at things, how I feel about certain things, and how I react to things. etc.
I know my blog so far has been quite a bit of ranting mixed with recipes. But I did put a disclaimer in here. This blog is primarily for my therapeutic reasoning. It has been a rough month and a half since being diagnosed. I have good days and I have bad days. It's really hard to see things in a big scope sometimes. I have a lot of anger towards what's happened. I have anger to the lack of knowledge the general population has for Type 1 diabetes. There's a lot of anger, and being able to talk about it and rant about it has helped me tremendously. Ranting has allowed me to stay stable emotionally for the most part. I haven't spiraled into depression that most early diagnosed diabetics do. I do have bad days and I usually cry quite often, because this sucks. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this. And yet, here it is.
I finally understand how sick people feel, thinking "Why God!? Why me!?" I admit, I have felt like that from time to time. I don't know why Heavenly Father allowed this to happen. Maybe I am meant to support something. Maybe this will make me more sympathetic towards others. I don't know. I just have to keep telling myself that lesson that we learn early on about trials and tribulations. God doesn't give us any more than we can handle. It's harder some days to remember that than others. But I think that's part of dealing with the disease.
Someone at church today gave me encouraging words when I was talking about it. She said that it seemed like I am in a good place with handling it and that I have a good mindset. While I don't have everything figured out, I am dealing with this well. It's nice to know that people I don't really talk with everyday or every Sunday either, still cares to know how I am doing and how I am handling everything. It makes me feel that less alone.
Yesterday, Rob did something that he normally doesn't. I'm not the type of girl that likes things whispered in my ear. I can't deal with it. I feel silly and like I'm 13. That's usually the case. However, there are times that those sweet nothings are needed. Rob did just that yesterday. I was having a "I don't care if my blood sugar is high" kind of day. He came over to me and hugged me from behind and told me that I was a strong woman and that he loved me. In all of this I haven't felt very strong. In fact, I have felt weak. I have felt broken. In that moment, I looked past over the last month and a half and all that I have already overcome and all that I have kept normal and stable, all while trying to control and figure out my disease. I can't believe how well I have kept things from falling apart-- as well as myself. I mean, if anyone can place themselves in my shoes, I think you would have a new found respect for me. I found it yesterday as I took a step back to see exactly what I have been through. It's been really rough and holy crap! I would not wish this on anyone... even if I hated them. My life is not easy, but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way... well... I could do without the diabetes, but since I don't have a choice, I will embrace it.
So in order to deal with this appropriately, I'm taking the next couple of days to reflect on this and who I want to be and what I want to change in my personality and who I am to accommodate this disease. I don't want it to change my personality, but I think I want to change how I view charities and foundations as well as being an active part in those. I believe EVERY disease has the right for fundraising to find a cure. I also am finding myself wanting a support group. I have never ever liked these kind of things before. I have never wanted to go to a therapist to deal with depression related to hormonal depression. And yet, here I am thinking about support groups and/or a therapist to help me handle what I am going through. I think those kinds of changes in me is a good thing. It makes me feel more sympathetic to everyone. It makes me in a position where I am more readily able and willing to put myself in other people shoes and what they are going through.
I am sure there will be another post within the next couple of days as I am going to be thinking a LOT.
~Diabetes is an art, not a science~
Thursday, September 13, 2012
A Diabetic Civil War
So I have mentioned a bit about the differences between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. Anyway, I recently found this group in Salt Lake called, "My delinquent pancreas". I'm so excited to be part of this group. There are people just like me. They got diagnosed with Type 1 around the same age as me. Granted they have had it longer because they are older, but still, it's nice to not feel alone and that I'm not the only one this kind of thing can happen to. Really, I think that's the most depressing part of the last month and half. All of the people I know that have diabetes have type 2. Or if they have type 1, they got diagnosed when they were in the 5th grade. So you can see where I feel so alone in all of this. I'm not saying that I'm special or "woe is me", but this is a HUGE disease! It can be very scary at times and very lonely.
Anyway, way off topic and point of my post. This group has discussion pages, and I found one with an article that I rather enjoyed. It expresses what I feel to an extent. Here's the article:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2010-11-22/a-z/ct-met-diabetes-rift-20101122_1_diabetes-insulin-lifestyle-changes-and-medication
So while I resent Type 2 diabetes a little bit, I don't fully. My dad has Type 2 and it's been a struggle for him. But not from a lack of trying to diet and exercise. In fact, he's lost a LOT of weight. He just has trouble controlling it. The one thing that I don't think we give credit to Type 2 diabetics is that in some cases, it can be genetic. You have an increased risk to get Type 2 diabetes if someone in your family is diagnosed with it. BUT it can be controlled. If you diet and exercise you can control your blood sugars without the use of insulin or medication. This is what gets me.
There is a lack of education about diabetes. To be quite frank, it's quite frustrating having to explain what I have and what I have to do in order to stay alive over and over and over and over. Type 1 is in NO way like Type 2. Type 1, your body attacks your pancreas and kills the Beta cells that produce insulin. Your body is at war with itself by no fault of your own. It just happens! It's an autoimmune disease! It doesn't matter your starting weight, the amount of sugar you ate before hand, how active you are, etc. It doesn't matter. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen!
I got my blood test results back today. They found the antibody killing off my beta cells. The normal range for this antibody is 0-5. My result came back at 270. My own body is attacking itself! Can you feel my frustration?! I changed my diet, my lifestyle, all to avoid this... and look what happens... There was nothing I could have done.
But back to the civil war. When people hear that I have diabetes, they ask me if I can control it by diet and exercise. I have been ok with this for a long time and answering their questions, but really it's just getting more and more frustrating that no one knows, or cares to research/learn about the different types of diabetes. Type 2 gets all of the attention because it is the most prevalent kind of diabetes, but Type 1 gets ignored. In the article it says that the ratio for clinical studies for Type 2 versus Type 1 is about 5:1! It is absolutely devastating that no one seems to care about Type 1 diabetics. I mean no matter what I do, no matter what I eat, I will always be on insulin for the rest of my life. Also, I will only become more and more dependent on my insulin to keep me alive. I only can DREAM of controlling my diabetes with exercise and diet. I am dependent on taking shots 4 times a day so that my body will continue to do its thing.
I got a funny pamphlet today: Diabetes Etiquette for people who DON'T have diabetes:
http://behavioraldiabetesinstitute.org/downloads/Etiquette-Card.pdf#zoom=100
Here's the link to the 10 things. I especially love number 5 because I have seen a lot of people do this even when I had gestational diabetes. Then there is number 2 and 7! LOVE these! Please don't think that I completely understand what's going on and that it's not hard work! I am having to deal with a whole different kind of diabetes this time around and I'm still learning. It is hard work! I have to remember my insulin, my meter, alcohol wipes, lancets, test strips, and needle heads when I head out anywhere. RIDICULOUS! I have to remember to brush my teeth after EVERY time I eat, wash my feet everyday, exercise most days. There's just a lot to this disease. I'm not saying it's as bad as cancer, but it's still bad. If I don't take care of myself, this disease will kill me. There's no "it might kill you" or "you could just loose a foot". It will kill me if I don't manage this disease. So please don't take it lighthearted or think that it's not as bad as other things.
Depression also hits pretty hard for Type 1 diabetics. It's already hit me. I have good days and I have bad days. Some diabetics get so depressed that they just don't want to deal with it anymore and stop taking insulin. So there you can see where things can turn bad. I have to be physically, emotionally, and mentally fit for this disease EVERY day. Tell me, could you do that? Could you, on a daily basis, continue to keep your body physically, emotionally and mentally fit for a disease you didn't have any say in getting every day white managing other day to day life things? It's hard!!!! Please have respect for us and stop ignoring the Type 1 Diabetics! We deserve as much attention as Type 2. It's sometimes very hard to gather any kind of information about Type 1 because of the amount of stuff out there for Type 2 diabetes. Please, please become aware of what diabetes and all of its heinous versions out there!
Anyway, way off topic and point of my post. This group has discussion pages, and I found one with an article that I rather enjoyed. It expresses what I feel to an extent. Here's the article:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2010-11-22/a-z/ct-met-diabetes-rift-20101122_1_diabetes-insulin-lifestyle-changes-and-medication
So while I resent Type 2 diabetes a little bit, I don't fully. My dad has Type 2 and it's been a struggle for him. But not from a lack of trying to diet and exercise. In fact, he's lost a LOT of weight. He just has trouble controlling it. The one thing that I don't think we give credit to Type 2 diabetics is that in some cases, it can be genetic. You have an increased risk to get Type 2 diabetes if someone in your family is diagnosed with it. BUT it can be controlled. If you diet and exercise you can control your blood sugars without the use of insulin or medication. This is what gets me.
There is a lack of education about diabetes. To be quite frank, it's quite frustrating having to explain what I have and what I have to do in order to stay alive over and over and over and over. Type 1 is in NO way like Type 2. Type 1, your body attacks your pancreas and kills the Beta cells that produce insulin. Your body is at war with itself by no fault of your own. It just happens! It's an autoimmune disease! It doesn't matter your starting weight, the amount of sugar you ate before hand, how active you are, etc. It doesn't matter. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen!
I got my blood test results back today. They found the antibody killing off my beta cells. The normal range for this antibody is 0-5. My result came back at 270. My own body is attacking itself! Can you feel my frustration?! I changed my diet, my lifestyle, all to avoid this... and look what happens... There was nothing I could have done.
But back to the civil war. When people hear that I have diabetes, they ask me if I can control it by diet and exercise. I have been ok with this for a long time and answering their questions, but really it's just getting more and more frustrating that no one knows, or cares to research/learn about the different types of diabetes. Type 2 gets all of the attention because it is the most prevalent kind of diabetes, but Type 1 gets ignored. In the article it says that the ratio for clinical studies for Type 2 versus Type 1 is about 5:1! It is absolutely devastating that no one seems to care about Type 1 diabetics. I mean no matter what I do, no matter what I eat, I will always be on insulin for the rest of my life. Also, I will only become more and more dependent on my insulin to keep me alive. I only can DREAM of controlling my diabetes with exercise and diet. I am dependent on taking shots 4 times a day so that my body will continue to do its thing.
I got a funny pamphlet today: Diabetes Etiquette for people who DON'T have diabetes:
http://behavioraldiabetesinstitute.org/downloads/Etiquette-Card.pdf#zoom=100
Here's the link to the 10 things. I especially love number 5 because I have seen a lot of people do this even when I had gestational diabetes. Then there is number 2 and 7! LOVE these! Please don't think that I completely understand what's going on and that it's not hard work! I am having to deal with a whole different kind of diabetes this time around and I'm still learning. It is hard work! I have to remember my insulin, my meter, alcohol wipes, lancets, test strips, and needle heads when I head out anywhere. RIDICULOUS! I have to remember to brush my teeth after EVERY time I eat, wash my feet everyday, exercise most days. There's just a lot to this disease. I'm not saying it's as bad as cancer, but it's still bad. If I don't take care of myself, this disease will kill me. There's no "it might kill you" or "you could just loose a foot". It will kill me if I don't manage this disease. So please don't take it lighthearted or think that it's not as bad as other things.
Depression also hits pretty hard for Type 1 diabetics. It's already hit me. I have good days and I have bad days. Some diabetics get so depressed that they just don't want to deal with it anymore and stop taking insulin. So there you can see where things can turn bad. I have to be physically, emotionally, and mentally fit for this disease EVERY day. Tell me, could you do that? Could you, on a daily basis, continue to keep your body physically, emotionally and mentally fit for a disease you didn't have any say in getting every day white managing other day to day life things? It's hard!!!! Please have respect for us and stop ignoring the Type 1 Diabetics! We deserve as much attention as Type 2. It's sometimes very hard to gather any kind of information about Type 1 because of the amount of stuff out there for Type 2 diabetes. Please, please become aware of what diabetes and all of its heinous versions out there!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Parmesan Broiled Tilapia with Garlic Toast
Just as I have promised, a recipe blog. Better late than never. I made this last night and Rob, once again, LOVED this fish dish. His only complaint was that he wished that there was some kind of lemon sauce to go with it, but I'm not really good in that arena. I like cooking and baking, but alas, I'm not very good in the creative part of cooking. I have no idea where to start nor do I know much about bases and sauces and what not. I do like taking recipes and tweaking them to make them healthier. Which is exactly what this recipe is.
I had to tweak this recipe because of they high fat content. The original recipe came from this blog:
That's in case you don't care if you're meal is high in fat or not.
So here's mine out of the oven. DROOL!!!! So nummers!
And here it is all plated up. I know my pictures really don't do it justice, but I do not try to own up to being a photographer by any means and the only camera I have is my iPhone, so you'll just have to deal with it. As it is here's the recipe:
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
2 tbsp melted butter
4 tbsp greek yogurt
2 tbsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp dried basil
1/4 tsp pepper
1/8 tsp onion powder
4 tilapia fillets from that Costco pack that I spoke of in my other recipe blog about t crispy fish and potatoes.
Preheat the broiler. Mix the cheese, butter, yogurt, lemon juice and seasonings in a small bowl. Arrange the filets in a single layer on the broiler pan. Broil a few inches from the broiler for 2-3 minutes. Flip the fillets and cook for another 2-3 minutes. Remove fillets from the oven and cover them in the Parmesan mixture on the top side. Broil for another 2 minutes or until the topping gets browned and the fish flakes easily with a fork. Be careful not to over or under cook the fish.
And there you have it! Super easy and super quick! Love it! I added broccoli to help balance the meal. The toast was to add carbs to the meal since I have to have 2-3 servings per meal. The garlic toast is pretty simple too. After the fish is done, put the toast on a tray and butter one side. Sprinkle with garlic powder. Put in the oven for 2 minutes. (I overcooked mine because I forgot to put a timer on it. That's why they are burnt). If you want both sides toasted, flip them and repeat. Super yummy!
Bon appetite!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Where are my keys!?
So the title doesn't have a direct correlation to my blog, but it will make sense by the end of this.
I stumbled across an article this morning. Anything that has "Blood Sugars" in the title I am immediately drawn to it. Not because I'm obsessed with my disease, but rather because I'm hoping that an article will appear about diabetes saying that they've cured it. That would be stinking awesome, but alas, there is still a ton of research needed on diabetes. Doctor's still don't know what triggers it, why it happens in children, what makes people produce antibodies that destroy the beta cells, etc. They just know it happens and how to control it. So a LOT of research still needs to be done. Though, they do have a better grasp on how Type 2 works. But totally off the point of this post.
This article:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57505671-10391704/even-high-normal-blood-sugar-levels-may-induce-brain-shrinkage/
Ok, so I have talked a bit about blood sugars and how I need to try my best to keep them in control. This article suggests that EVERYONE, not just those with diabetes, needs to do better at keeping their blood sugars under control. This article is very alarming and is just yet another reason why I need to keep my blood sugars under control.
It says that studies have shown a 6-10% shrink in people's brain areas that dementia and other memory loss areas are located. SCARY! I'm already bad as it is. I have hard times finding my keys, my meter, clothes, etc. I mean on top of all the other health issues involved with diabetes, this is like the icing on the cake. I could deal with a lost foot or even kidney failure or nerve damage, so long as there was a way for me to function still as a human being. But losing my mind, my memories, that I think scares me the most. I treasure my memories and treasure my thoughts. I'm not saying that I'm the smartest person and everyone should treasure my memories and thoughts, but think about it. This is something that I don't think a lot of people think about. When you get old, do you want to remember all those wonderful memories of your children growing up? Your wedding day? The day you told your spouse you loved them? What about that first kiss? The time when you knew that man standing next to you was to be your eternal partner? I think that's what scares me the most. Losing all of those precious memories. Not being able to remember my life. Take my foot, take one of my kidneys, just not my memories.
Yes, I know it's a bit melodramatic, but if you had a disease that you have to learn to control in order for these things to not happen, don't you think you would feel the same way?
My point in all of this is this, it's just one more reason for me to continue to change my life now. Change the way I eat, the way I am active, the way I teach my children to eat better. This gives the encouragement to keep things under control. It is just yet another reason why it is soooo important that I don't let this disease control me, but I control it.
And here's a little something to scare all of you into doing the same: This article states that diabetes will most likely be the number 1 cause of death by 2030! That's only 18 years away. I've already lived that long! Think about that! Take care of your body! If not for yourself, for those that love you. There's my two cents worth on the subject.
Recipes to come!
I stumbled across an article this morning. Anything that has "Blood Sugars" in the title I am immediately drawn to it. Not because I'm obsessed with my disease, but rather because I'm hoping that an article will appear about diabetes saying that they've cured it. That would be stinking awesome, but alas, there is still a ton of research needed on diabetes. Doctor's still don't know what triggers it, why it happens in children, what makes people produce antibodies that destroy the beta cells, etc. They just know it happens and how to control it. So a LOT of research still needs to be done. Though, they do have a better grasp on how Type 2 works. But totally off the point of this post.
This article:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57505671-10391704/even-high-normal-blood-sugar-levels-may-induce-brain-shrinkage/
Ok, so I have talked a bit about blood sugars and how I need to try my best to keep them in control. This article suggests that EVERYONE, not just those with diabetes, needs to do better at keeping their blood sugars under control. This article is very alarming and is just yet another reason why I need to keep my blood sugars under control.
It says that studies have shown a 6-10% shrink in people's brain areas that dementia and other memory loss areas are located. SCARY! I'm already bad as it is. I have hard times finding my keys, my meter, clothes, etc. I mean on top of all the other health issues involved with diabetes, this is like the icing on the cake. I could deal with a lost foot or even kidney failure or nerve damage, so long as there was a way for me to function still as a human being. But losing my mind, my memories, that I think scares me the most. I treasure my memories and treasure my thoughts. I'm not saying that I'm the smartest person and everyone should treasure my memories and thoughts, but think about it. This is something that I don't think a lot of people think about. When you get old, do you want to remember all those wonderful memories of your children growing up? Your wedding day? The day you told your spouse you loved them? What about that first kiss? The time when you knew that man standing next to you was to be your eternal partner? I think that's what scares me the most. Losing all of those precious memories. Not being able to remember my life. Take my foot, take one of my kidneys, just not my memories.
Yes, I know it's a bit melodramatic, but if you had a disease that you have to learn to control in order for these things to not happen, don't you think you would feel the same way?
My point in all of this is this, it's just one more reason for me to continue to change my life now. Change the way I eat, the way I am active, the way I teach my children to eat better. This gives the encouragement to keep things under control. It is just yet another reason why it is soooo important that I don't let this disease control me, but I control it.
And here's a little something to scare all of you into doing the same: This article states that diabetes will most likely be the number 1 cause of death by 2030! That's only 18 years away. I've already lived that long! Think about that! Take care of your body! If not for yourself, for those that love you. There's my two cents worth on the subject.
Recipes to come!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Where have all the Support Groups gone!?
ARGH! That's not meant to be a pirate "argh", but rather an incredibly frustrated "argh". I was looking forward to a support group tonight. I really was. Anyone that knows me, knows I don't really like these kinds of things and the fact that I wanted to go is a HUGE sticking deal.
Anyway, I tried calling and I got transferred to not one, not two, but three different people, ALL saying that they had no idea what I was talking about!! I got the information from off a website. I wasn't just calling a random number or anything. I mean Ridiculous! Well, if there was a support group tonight, I was unable to go. FRUSTRATING!
On a somewhat brighter note, I finally assured that the clinic FINALLY sent over my records. HOWEVER! I was told I was going to be called when that was done, but alas, there was no phone call to make me aware that they had even sent them over. UGH! I'm so glad I'm done with that clinic! Now onto finding a support group... I wonder if there will be any other young adults diagnosed with type 1...Here's hoping!
Anyway, I tried calling and I got transferred to not one, not two, but three different people, ALL saying that they had no idea what I was talking about!! I got the information from off a website. I wasn't just calling a random number or anything. I mean Ridiculous! Well, if there was a support group tonight, I was unable to go. FRUSTRATING!
On a somewhat brighter note, I finally assured that the clinic FINALLY sent over my records. HOWEVER! I was told I was going to be called when that was done, but alas, there was no phone call to make me aware that they had even sent them over. UGH! I'm so glad I'm done with that clinic! Now onto finding a support group... I wonder if there will be any other young adults diagnosed with type 1...Here's hoping!
Friday, August 24, 2012
People Do CARE!
This last week has simply been amazing! But before I get started on this post I just want to state that I do know that my dear friends and family care about me and what's been going on. But as far as doctors, pharmacies, etc... well, let's just say that most have not been so caring about everything. I have felt very alone. There have not been a lot of answers to questions. Also being a 23 year-old being diagnosed as Type 1 is extremely rare. It happens, but not that often. At any rate, that's why this week has been so awesome... so picking up with after my Dietitian appointment.
So a little background on Steve Jobs. Yes, we all know that he died of pancreatic caner. But did you know that he also had Type 1 diabetes!? Neither did I. Anyway, being Steve Jobs, he wanted something easier to help manage and track his test results, insulin intake, carbs... everything. So he took to creating a blood meter that hooks directly into the iPhone or iPod touch and has an app and everything.
It's so awesome! I have only had it for one day and it already is making life easier. I'm still doing a hard copy tracking but it's good for having the ability to email my diabetes care team my stats! How awesome! The app also allows me to set my meal time schedule. It's much better for diabetics to try and keep a schedule. It helps keep the blood sugars under control. So when I take my blood sugars, and then upload them to the app, they automatically dump into the right categories so I don't have to do it. Thank you Steve Jobs!
I guess buying the iPhone wasn't such a bad idea after all!
Anyway, the really awesome part of this story is the most awesome pharmacy EVVEER! My dietitian told me how I had the ability to get a free iBGstar. She told me about Medipharm. It's a specialty pharmacy that caters completely to diabetics. They work with manufacturers to get discounts and coupons on insulin, testing supplies, etc. It's a very small pharmacy, and they care about their patients. It's more than just making money for them. It's making sure that people are comfortable and getting the attention that they need. They let me rant about my experience with Dr. T and his office, about how I have felt so alone, everything.
One of the pharmacists brought me out magazines, pamphlets, a cook book full of diabetic recipes, glucose tablets, and glucose spread, etc. They were just so nice and so awesome! I'm excited about working with them with everything. I'm so excited that I have a care team that actually cares about me and what I am going through. YAY!
So a little background on Steve Jobs. Yes, we all know that he died of pancreatic caner. But did you know that he also had Type 1 diabetes!? Neither did I. Anyway, being Steve Jobs, he wanted something easier to help manage and track his test results, insulin intake, carbs... everything. So he took to creating a blood meter that hooks directly into the iPhone or iPod touch and has an app and everything.
It's so awesome! I have only had it for one day and it already is making life easier. I'm still doing a hard copy tracking but it's good for having the ability to email my diabetes care team my stats! How awesome! The app also allows me to set my meal time schedule. It's much better for diabetics to try and keep a schedule. It helps keep the blood sugars under control. So when I take my blood sugars, and then upload them to the app, they automatically dump into the right categories so I don't have to do it. Thank you Steve Jobs!
I guess buying the iPhone wasn't such a bad idea after all!
Anyway, the really awesome part of this story is the most awesome pharmacy EVVEER! My dietitian told me how I had the ability to get a free iBGstar. She told me about Medipharm. It's a specialty pharmacy that caters completely to diabetics. They work with manufacturers to get discounts and coupons on insulin, testing supplies, etc. It's a very small pharmacy, and they care about their patients. It's more than just making money for them. It's making sure that people are comfortable and getting the attention that they need. They let me rant about my experience with Dr. T and his office, about how I have felt so alone, everything.
One of the pharmacists brought me out magazines, pamphlets, a cook book full of diabetic recipes, glucose tablets, and glucose spread, etc. They were just so nice and so awesome! I'm excited about working with them with everything. I'm so excited that I have a care team that actually cares about me and what I am going through. YAY!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Crispy Oven-Baked Fish with Golden Potatoes
Oh my goodness! Dinner was AMAZING! Even Rob gave me the Best Wifey of the Year award for this dinner. Here's the shocker part of it... Rob doesn't normally like fish! And he LOVED it! I can't stress enough how much he loved this dish! But before I get to the recipe I need to make a plug for a product that was introduced to us:
We got these at Costco and they are by far the best things created ever! Ok maybe not that great, but they are pretty darn awesome! The fish come in their own packaging per loin and are so easy to manage AND they aren't fishy! What's even better about these is that you don't have to thaw them in order to cook them. You can pull them straight out of the packaging and put them in a skillet and cook them! AMAZING!
So a little thing about fish in your diet. Fish is rich in the GOOD fatty omega 3 oils. They help keep blood sugars under control as well as breaking down the bad fat in your blood! Fish= VERY healthy and good for you!
Now on to dinner! I got the original receipe from www.cornerstones4care.com. This has been my saving grace for the last 3 weeks. Without I wouldn't have done so well I think. Anyway I tweaked the recipe a bit the original. So I'm going to post my version.
And there it is! Oh so tasty dinner! Nommer Nommer noms!
And a close up for good measure!
Ingredients:
Potatoes:
1 tsp olive oil
5 cups red potatoes cut into thick wedges
2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp of salt
Fish
1/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs
1/2 cup rice krispies, ran through the food processor- or any means to get it crushed
2 tbsp Parmesan Cheese
1 1/2 tsp dill
1/2 tsp paprika
4 Tilapia loins
2 eggs
Sauce:
1/4 cup lemon jiuce
1 tbsp grated lemon peel
2 chopped green onions
1/4 cup nonfat plain greek yogurt
1/4 cup low-fat sour cream
Preheat the oven to 425. Spray a cookie sheet with non-stick spray. In a large bowl, mix potatoes and olive oil. Mix potatoes until they are covered. Sprinkle the garlic powder and salt over the top. Mix the potatoes until the seasoning covers all of the potatoes. Spread on the prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 25-30 minutes.
If you haven't already, crush the rice krispies. I like using my food processor to get it done quickly. Mix the cereal, bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, dill and paprika. I like placing this on a paper plate (larger surface area, but also easier to clean up!) . In a small measuring glass or bowl, whisk the eggs. I like to transfer this over to a paper plate for the exact same reasons I like placing the breading on a paper plate. Cut the loins in half... if you feel like it. I always feel like I'm getting more when I have two pieces on my plate.... At this point, make sure you have another cookie sheet or cooking pan for the fish. Tonight I lined the bottom of my pan with parchment paper. It seemed to help keep the fish dry, unsticky and not coated in oil from the spray. Now that you have the pan ready, dip the fish in the egg wash first and then the breading. Place on the pan. Put the pan in the oven for the last 10 minutes the potatoes are cooking. (I've never had any kind of luck getting my timing right on this step. I just usually set another timer for 10 minutes)
Now while the potatoes and fish are finishing cooking, we're going to make the sauce. Grate some lemon peel, and chop two green onions. Mix the peel, green onions, lemon juice, yogurt, and sour cream. Viola! You have tasty fish sauce!
Serve the sauce over the fish. And there you have it! A tasty and healthy dinner! Add a salad or steamed broccoli and you have a well balanced and healthy meal! Here's the nutritional facts per serving (minus the vegetables):
Calories: 400
Carbs: 46 g
Fat: 5 g
Protein: 40 g
Fiber: 4 g
I'm not sure about the sodium only because the original recipe asks to use egg whites only and not the whole egg as well as a salt-free herb seasoning on the potatoes. but since I got this recipe from a site that caters to Type 2 diabetics, it doesn't apply to me completely. Most of the time Type 2 diabetics also have issues with high cholesterol, but I don't have the problem. In fact, that and normal blood pressure are what I have going for me right now.
Anyway enjoy the fish!
We got these at Costco and they are by far the best things created ever! Ok maybe not that great, but they are pretty darn awesome! The fish come in their own packaging per loin and are so easy to manage AND they aren't fishy! What's even better about these is that you don't have to thaw them in order to cook them. You can pull them straight out of the packaging and put them in a skillet and cook them! AMAZING!
So a little thing about fish in your diet. Fish is rich in the GOOD fatty omega 3 oils. They help keep blood sugars under control as well as breaking down the bad fat in your blood! Fish= VERY healthy and good for you!
Now on to dinner! I got the original receipe from www.cornerstones4care.com. This has been my saving grace for the last 3 weeks. Without I wouldn't have done so well I think. Anyway I tweaked the recipe a bit the original. So I'm going to post my version.
And there it is! Oh so tasty dinner! Nommer Nommer noms!
And a close up for good measure!
Ingredients:
Potatoes:
1 tsp olive oil
5 cups red potatoes cut into thick wedges
2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp of salt
Fish
1/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs
1/2 cup rice krispies, ran through the food processor- or any means to get it crushed
2 tbsp Parmesan Cheese
1 1/2 tsp dill
1/2 tsp paprika
4 Tilapia loins
2 eggs
Sauce:
1/4 cup lemon jiuce
1 tbsp grated lemon peel
2 chopped green onions
1/4 cup nonfat plain greek yogurt
1/4 cup low-fat sour cream
Preheat the oven to 425. Spray a cookie sheet with non-stick spray. In a large bowl, mix potatoes and olive oil. Mix potatoes until they are covered. Sprinkle the garlic powder and salt over the top. Mix the potatoes until the seasoning covers all of the potatoes. Spread on the prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 25-30 minutes.
If you haven't already, crush the rice krispies. I like using my food processor to get it done quickly. Mix the cereal, bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, dill and paprika. I like placing this on a paper plate (larger surface area, but also easier to clean up!) . In a small measuring glass or bowl, whisk the eggs. I like to transfer this over to a paper plate for the exact same reasons I like placing the breading on a paper plate. Cut the loins in half... if you feel like it. I always feel like I'm getting more when I have two pieces on my plate.... At this point, make sure you have another cookie sheet or cooking pan for the fish. Tonight I lined the bottom of my pan with parchment paper. It seemed to help keep the fish dry, unsticky and not coated in oil from the spray. Now that you have the pan ready, dip the fish in the egg wash first and then the breading. Place on the pan. Put the pan in the oven for the last 10 minutes the potatoes are cooking. (I've never had any kind of luck getting my timing right on this step. I just usually set another timer for 10 minutes)
Now while the potatoes and fish are finishing cooking, we're going to make the sauce. Grate some lemon peel, and chop two green onions. Mix the peel, green onions, lemon juice, yogurt, and sour cream. Viola! You have tasty fish sauce!
Serve the sauce over the fish. And there you have it! A tasty and healthy dinner! Add a salad or steamed broccoli and you have a well balanced and healthy meal! Here's the nutritional facts per serving (minus the vegetables):
Calories: 400
Carbs: 46 g
Fat: 5 g
Protein: 40 g
Fiber: 4 g
I'm not sure about the sodium only because the original recipe asks to use egg whites only and not the whole egg as well as a salt-free herb seasoning on the potatoes. but since I got this recipe from a site that caters to Type 2 diabetics, it doesn't apply to me completely. Most of the time Type 2 diabetics also have issues with high cholesterol, but I don't have the problem. In fact, that and normal blood pressure are what I have going for me right now.
Anyway enjoy the fish!
My second Honeymoon
Yesterday I wrote about how I was not feeling well at all and how I couldn't keep my blood sugars up. Well I most definitely spoke WAY too soon. After dinner, I dropped so low I needed something sugary. So I ate a mini snickers bar and a fudgiscle. I tested my blood... I dropped a whole ten points! What the crap!? So I ate a piece of bread and two peanut butter ritz cracker sandwiches... I dropped another 10 points! I was freaking out! Why on earth could I not keep my blood sugars up!? I was almost to the point of going to the hospital until I realized that I needed something healthy yet packed with sugar.... FRUIT SMOOTHIE!!! Geez... took me long enough!
Anyway, I drank about 16 oz of the fruit smoothie and I finally was feeling better. I wasn't shaky anymore and I actually had some energy. Needless to say, last night was very scary and was NO fun whatsoever.
Fortunately, I had an appointment today with the diabetic dietitian. She was amazing! Answered my questions, gave me helpful tips and websites and apps, all to help me control and track my diabetes! AWESOME! However, the most important thing that I got out of my appointment today is that I am currently on my second honeymoon...
No not the kind of honeymoon you're thinking of. My pancreas is saying it's last hoorah, which is technically called the honeymoon period. Since I have been taking insulin to help my body out the last couple of weeks, my pancreas is finally getting a chance to take a breather. So once it's all rested it goes, "ok, let's do this!" and it produces insulin on it's own one last time. This period can last anywhere between 2 weeks and 3 months. There might actually come a time during the honeymoon phase that I won't have to take any insulin at meal times! That's exciting! I will only have to stab myself once a day... right before bed.
I'm thinking that I might want to have a last hoorah to my foods that I loved so much while I can. As Rob put it, I can have a proper goodbye to the foods that I love so much. I'm thinking that I might to get some friends together and cook a whole bunch of things, like cookies, brownies, cakes, etc. and have a little bit of everything. I don't want to use my hoorah day on just one thing. I need to get on this quick since I'm not sure how long this is going to last.
Also, there are going to be two posts tonight. I'm going to post about tonight's dinner. It was SUPER tasty.... stay tuned!
Anyway, I drank about 16 oz of the fruit smoothie and I finally was feeling better. I wasn't shaky anymore and I actually had some energy. Needless to say, last night was very scary and was NO fun whatsoever.
Fortunately, I had an appointment today with the diabetic dietitian. She was amazing! Answered my questions, gave me helpful tips and websites and apps, all to help me control and track my diabetes! AWESOME! However, the most important thing that I got out of my appointment today is that I am currently on my second honeymoon...
No not the kind of honeymoon you're thinking of. My pancreas is saying it's last hoorah, which is technically called the honeymoon period. Since I have been taking insulin to help my body out the last couple of weeks, my pancreas is finally getting a chance to take a breather. So once it's all rested it goes, "ok, let's do this!" and it produces insulin on it's own one last time. This period can last anywhere between 2 weeks and 3 months. There might actually come a time during the honeymoon phase that I won't have to take any insulin at meal times! That's exciting! I will only have to stab myself once a day... right before bed.
I'm thinking that I might want to have a last hoorah to my foods that I loved so much while I can. As Rob put it, I can have a proper goodbye to the foods that I love so much. I'm thinking that I might to get some friends together and cook a whole bunch of things, like cookies, brownies, cakes, etc. and have a little bit of everything. I don't want to use my hoorah day on just one thing. I need to get on this quick since I'm not sure how long this is going to last.
Also, there are going to be two posts tonight. I'm going to post about tonight's dinner. It was SUPER tasty.... stay tuned!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I need a hug
Today was probably the worst day since being diagnosed that I have had. This also includes my emotional breakdown that I had almost 2 weeks ago now, and trust me, that was bad. That day was only bad because I was dealing with a weeks worth a suppression of everything that I was going through. I didn't try to let it show that first week, but by the time I realized Dr. T wasn't going to give the attention I needed, that's when the reality of the severity of my condition hit me. I cried for almost an hour straight.
I have not cried today, but it's still easily the worst day that I have had. I have stuck to my diet really well, and have had great results. I was starting to get a bit more comfortable with the insulin injections, the food portions, not having sugar, etc. But today, I could not for the life of me keep my blood sugar levels up. I dipped so low, so quickly, it's like a roller coaster. I have felt so sick all day. Dizzy, nauseated, headache... All I could think all day was, "I need a hug". I still need a hug, and I'll get it from Rob at some point tonight. Maybe when he gets home from the store...
On the only bright side of the day is that I have had two very thin pieces of pumpkin pound cake, and a raspberry jelly filled donut. Yes that's right, I intentionally spiked my sugar. Like my doctor said, better for my blood to be high than I drop and slip into a hypoglycemic coma. Oh the joys of being diabetic! So now, I feel like crap because my blood sugars are too high. I'm so frustrated that I've been doing so well with my sugar levels that today sucked. I haven't been able to control it. I know there are going to be days like this, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.
Some of you may be thinking, "hey, be happy! You get to have sugar to elevate your levels"... What I did today was stupid and not the right way to try to get my sugars back up. But I was desperate to feel better, but to no avail. I can't wait until tomorrow and I can see my dietitian. I'm excited to gain a better knowledge on how to control this. I'm sure there are going to be some food blogs coming soon. (Of course when I say some, I mean a WHOLE lot) I think it's important that people know that eating healthy can be delicious. You wouldn't believe it! And lastly, something to help me cheer up... one of the cutest picture of Autumn (though every picture of her is so darn cute!
I have not cried today, but it's still easily the worst day that I have had. I have stuck to my diet really well, and have had great results. I was starting to get a bit more comfortable with the insulin injections, the food portions, not having sugar, etc. But today, I could not for the life of me keep my blood sugar levels up. I dipped so low, so quickly, it's like a roller coaster. I have felt so sick all day. Dizzy, nauseated, headache... All I could think all day was, "I need a hug". I still need a hug, and I'll get it from Rob at some point tonight. Maybe when he gets home from the store...
On the only bright side of the day is that I have had two very thin pieces of pumpkin pound cake, and a raspberry jelly filled donut. Yes that's right, I intentionally spiked my sugar. Like my doctor said, better for my blood to be high than I drop and slip into a hypoglycemic coma. Oh the joys of being diabetic! So now, I feel like crap because my blood sugars are too high. I'm so frustrated that I've been doing so well with my sugar levels that today sucked. I haven't been able to control it. I know there are going to be days like this, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.
Some of you may be thinking, "hey, be happy! You get to have sugar to elevate your levels"... What I did today was stupid and not the right way to try to get my sugars back up. But I was desperate to feel better, but to no avail. I can't wait until tomorrow and I can see my dietitian. I'm excited to gain a better knowledge on how to control this. I'm sure there are going to be some food blogs coming soon. (Of course when I say some, I mean a WHOLE lot) I think it's important that people know that eating healthy can be delicious. You wouldn't believe it! And lastly, something to help me cheer up... one of the cutest picture of Autumn (though every picture of her is so darn cute!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Frustration, Negligence, Manners, and Big Scores!
So today's post is going to be a bit more on the ranting side. As a new diabetic, there are going to be some of these kind of days and posts. So as I have stated is previous posts, Dr. T hasn't talked to me since essentially he diagnosed me. This is still frustrating to me, especially since I still have to deal with his office. ARGH! I went into the office today to ask for my records. I need them for Dr. W. He asked for them at our last appointment to see what Dr. T did. I don't really blame Dr. T for all the office side of this, but he is responsible for the negligence. Anyway, I asked for my records via this patient portal thing that the clinic offers. I did that last week, and well I haven't had any response; hence, my going into the office today. So there I am at the counter asking for my records and the receptionist gives me this spill of "Well, legally we have 30 days to process that request." GREAT! It's going to be one of these transactions! I curtly, but no rudely tell her that I am seeing a different doctor and he needs my records. She can see that I'm frustrated and that it's most likely Dr. T's fault why I am going to a different doctor. So she tells me to have a seat and that she'll see what she can do.
10 minutes pass... Yes, you read that right, 10. She finally calls me up to the desk to hand me a form for me to fill out. Now I'm angry! I mean seriously! First, she couldn't have just given that to me first!? Even if she didn't know that I needed to fill that out, she could have preemptively given me the form to fill out while I was waiting those 10 minutes. Second, WHAT IN THIS WORLD takes you 10 minutes to check if I have that form filled out. Third and final thing, why on earth do you think it's ok to be rude and to talk about me to the other receptionists, whether you are whispering or not? I mean I was watching you! I saw your body language and I knew what you were saying. Yes I am annoyed that I am having to do this and still have to work things out with your clinic! But you're doctor, that you worked for, is really the root cause of all of this. He hasn't talked to me in over 2 weeks! He was trying to treat me like a Type 2 diabetic! DANGEROUS! NEGLECTFUL! I do not recommend the Foothill Family Clinic to anyone! VERY unprofessional! Rude, frustrating and neglectful!
However, two wonderful things this weekend! I scored a $45 jogging stroller off of KSL! Isn't it a beauty! I have already taken Autumn on 3 runs around the block and she loves it! She's always encouraging me to go faster. "Faster Mommy! Faster!" Love it!
Last but most certainly not least, Rob scored RSL box tickets for the second time this season from his Company! YAY! Love Real Salt Lake! Even though they lost. It was a good game, even though they got 3 yellow cards within the first 20 minutes! Haha! Oh love the RSL fans! They chanted "You suck Ref!" plus some other chants that I will not post, because of the audience. They may not have found it as funny as we did. But yes, regardless of the frustrations encountered with the doctor's office, It's still been a good weekend and I will not let that bring me down!
10 minutes pass... Yes, you read that right, 10. She finally calls me up to the desk to hand me a form for me to fill out. Now I'm angry! I mean seriously! First, she couldn't have just given that to me first!? Even if she didn't know that I needed to fill that out, she could have preemptively given me the form to fill out while I was waiting those 10 minutes. Second, WHAT IN THIS WORLD takes you 10 minutes to check if I have that form filled out. Third and final thing, why on earth do you think it's ok to be rude and to talk about me to the other receptionists, whether you are whispering or not? I mean I was watching you! I saw your body language and I knew what you were saying. Yes I am annoyed that I am having to do this and still have to work things out with your clinic! But you're doctor, that you worked for, is really the root cause of all of this. He hasn't talked to me in over 2 weeks! He was trying to treat me like a Type 2 diabetic! DANGEROUS! NEGLECTFUL! I do not recommend the Foothill Family Clinic to anyone! VERY unprofessional! Rude, frustrating and neglectful!
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Blessing in Disguise
I have to be grateful for what's happened over the last couple of weeks. All things considered, things could have been a lot worse. Rob and I could have decided not to have a baby and I would never have gotten my IUD out and had that urine test that resulted in the glucose test that ultimately diagnosed me. Most of the time for Type 1 diabetics, they end up in the hospital because they get so sick their blood sugars raise too high. That's when they usually find out. My best childhood friend was exactly like that. Out of the blue, she ended up in the hospital and was immediately diagnosed with type 1. That could have been me.
So I am grateful that I found out early on and didn't land in the hospital. I mean I haven't been feeling all that well for the last 3-4 months and I was on the verge of going to the doctor to figure out why I was so tired all of the time. I thought that it was work coupled with a UTI. Obviously I was WAY wrong. If Rob and I hadn't gotten our answer to many prayers about having children, I probably wouldn't have gone to the doctor for quite some time, if at all and landed in the hospital.
So despite that I have this disease, and despite I have to shot up 4 times a day, I'm grateful that I didn't have to go to the hospital and make this a lot worse. I'm also grateful that Rob and I didn't have the chance to get pregnant before we found out. Our plans our now pushed back at least a year, but if we got pregnant and I didn't know, then there would have been a lot more risks that I wouldn't have known about. So I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for answering my prayers in odd way. I'm grateful to Him for looking out for my health and knowing me so well that He knew I wouldn't have gone to a doctor before it was too late. While our plans are pushed back for the time being, I'm grateful that I have the ability and the chance to being a healthier child into this world than if I had gotten pregnant before knowing. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that loves me!
So I am grateful that I found out early on and didn't land in the hospital. I mean I haven't been feeling all that well for the last 3-4 months and I was on the verge of going to the doctor to figure out why I was so tired all of the time. I thought that it was work coupled with a UTI. Obviously I was WAY wrong. If Rob and I hadn't gotten our answer to many prayers about having children, I probably wouldn't have gone to the doctor for quite some time, if at all and landed in the hospital.
So despite that I have this disease, and despite I have to shot up 4 times a day, I'm grateful that I didn't have to go to the hospital and make this a lot worse. I'm also grateful that Rob and I didn't have the chance to get pregnant before we found out. Our plans our now pushed back at least a year, but if we got pregnant and I didn't know, then there would have been a lot more risks that I wouldn't have known about. So I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for answering my prayers in odd way. I'm grateful to Him for looking out for my health and knowing me so well that He knew I wouldn't have gone to a doctor before it was too late. While our plans are pushed back for the time being, I'm grateful that I have the ability and the chance to being a healthier child into this world than if I had gotten pregnant before knowing. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that loves me!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Type 1 vs Type 2
While I had gestation diabetes with Autumn, I didn't quite have the knowledge that I needed. My nutritionist with the midwife clinic backwoods Idaho didn't really give me much to go on. In fact, she hardly told me what I needed to do. She gave me this list of certain servings I could have per meal. Such as 3 carbs, 1 meat, 1 fruit, etc. I didn't understand what that meant. AND on top of it, it seemed like a lot of servings. Again, not a lot of information. If she did give me the correct information, then she poorly explained things.
That's exactly how I felt when being diagnosed by Dr. T (not the awesome doctor, but the one that hasn't talked to me for 2 weeks now!). No answers, especially when it came to the diet. I feel like he gave me insulin to cover his butt; not really help me. He got lucky though. He told me to take 9 units in the morning before breakfast and 7 units at night before dinner. I was a roller coast with my blood sugars for about a week and a half until I saw Dr. W. What makes me more frustrated about Dr. T more than him not talking to me is that he wanted to treat me like I was a Type 2 diabetic. Which, if you're type 1 like me, can be very dangerous! Now to the point of my post:
Type 1 diabetics: It doesn't matter if you're over weight, under weight, eat healthy, eat poorly, you exercise or you don't exercise. You're body just stops producing Insulin on it's own. Essentially your body's immune system attacks the cells the produce insulin. Insulin is very important for your body to digest the sugars (or glucose) that you eat. Insulin helps push the sugars into the blood cells so that you're body can use it as energy. Which is why I was so tired all of the time. My body couldn't use the sugars. There is a natural way to help you push the sugars into your blood cells, but for Type 1 diabetics, it helps, but doesn't solve the problem. When you exercise your body uses the energy from the blood cells and burns it, thus forcing the sugars that haven't been pushed into the cells, into the blood cells to be used as energy. Type 1 usually onsets in children and young adulthood. There is no prevention. It just happens and doctors aren't sure what triggers it.
Thus taking us to Type 2: While Type 2 is somewhat preventable, it is not always. Type 2 diabetes is when your body produces low insulin and/or doesn't use the insulin properly. Most people can manage the diabetes with diet and exercise. However, there are people that dependent on pills that help your body produce more insulin, or they are just straight up on insulin. Type 2 diabetes also usually is onset in adults that are overweight. However, Type 2 is beginning to become more common in children as well. This should be concerning for new parents and be a warning to them to not let their kids eat anything they want. Diabetes is VERY serious.
For both types of diabetes though, if it runs in the family, you're risk is MUCH higher to getting it. Specifically the type of diabetes that runs in the family. For me, Type 2 runs in the family-- on both sides. So getting diagnosed as Type 1 was a HUGE shocker!
There are also major health issues other than your body not producing insulin. Higher risk for heart disease, stroke, foot and leg amputations, eye problems, kidney damage, nerve damage, etc. But it could easily be managed so long as I manage my blood sugars. I really don't want to have these issues and am really motivated by it.
So below are the two links that I needed help to fill in the gaps of my knowledge on the difference between Type 1 and Type 2. (which wasn't a whole lot because I have been researching the difference for weeks). I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't giving false information. But here you have it, The difference.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-center/diabetes-differences-between-type-1-and-2.aspx
http://www.puristat.com/diabetes/default.aspx
That's exactly how I felt when being diagnosed by Dr. T (not the awesome doctor, but the one that hasn't talked to me for 2 weeks now!). No answers, especially when it came to the diet. I feel like he gave me insulin to cover his butt; not really help me. He got lucky though. He told me to take 9 units in the morning before breakfast and 7 units at night before dinner. I was a roller coast with my blood sugars for about a week and a half until I saw Dr. W. What makes me more frustrated about Dr. T more than him not talking to me is that he wanted to treat me like I was a Type 2 diabetic. Which, if you're type 1 like me, can be very dangerous! Now to the point of my post:
Type 1 diabetics: It doesn't matter if you're over weight, under weight, eat healthy, eat poorly, you exercise or you don't exercise. You're body just stops producing Insulin on it's own. Essentially your body's immune system attacks the cells the produce insulin. Insulin is very important for your body to digest the sugars (or glucose) that you eat. Insulin helps push the sugars into the blood cells so that you're body can use it as energy. Which is why I was so tired all of the time. My body couldn't use the sugars. There is a natural way to help you push the sugars into your blood cells, but for Type 1 diabetics, it helps, but doesn't solve the problem. When you exercise your body uses the energy from the blood cells and burns it, thus forcing the sugars that haven't been pushed into the cells, into the blood cells to be used as energy. Type 1 usually onsets in children and young adulthood. There is no prevention. It just happens and doctors aren't sure what triggers it.
Thus taking us to Type 2: While Type 2 is somewhat preventable, it is not always. Type 2 diabetes is when your body produces low insulin and/or doesn't use the insulin properly. Most people can manage the diabetes with diet and exercise. However, there are people that dependent on pills that help your body produce more insulin, or they are just straight up on insulin. Type 2 diabetes also usually is onset in adults that are overweight. However, Type 2 is beginning to become more common in children as well. This should be concerning for new parents and be a warning to them to not let their kids eat anything they want. Diabetes is VERY serious.
For both types of diabetes though, if it runs in the family, you're risk is MUCH higher to getting it. Specifically the type of diabetes that runs in the family. For me, Type 2 runs in the family-- on both sides. So getting diagnosed as Type 1 was a HUGE shocker!
There are also major health issues other than your body not producing insulin. Higher risk for heart disease, stroke, foot and leg amputations, eye problems, kidney damage, nerve damage, etc. But it could easily be managed so long as I manage my blood sugars. I really don't want to have these issues and am really motivated by it.
So below are the two links that I needed help to fill in the gaps of my knowledge on the difference between Type 1 and Type 2. (which wasn't a whole lot because I have been researching the difference for weeks). I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't giving false information. But here you have it, The difference.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-center/diabetes-differences-between-type-1-and-2.aspx
http://www.puristat.com/diabetes/default.aspx
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Maple Bars and Mini Fridges
I can't believe how much people pry. I mean complete strangers asking me why I can't have a maple bar, or why I am returning a monstrous mini-fridge just barely after buying one.
So Friday before my appointment, I had to fill up with gas. I went in to get a soda, because I had a feeling that it was going to be a long day and I needed the caffeine to help me wake up a bit. As I was checking out, the attendant offered me a maple bar. I responded, "Oh no thank you. I can't have that." He then proceeded to pry into why I couldn't have it and just couldn't help but put his two cents in. I eventually told him that I have diabetes and that I was just barely diagnosed. Then he began to tell me his life story and about his daughter and how she was diagnosed when she was a little kid. Sorry, but not entirely the same thing. I'm not entirely sure why, but I was quite annoyed.
On Monday, among my various adventures with my dear best friend, we went shopping for a mini-fridge for my desk at work. I need to keep my insulin cold, and since I work 9 hour days, an ice pack in a cooler just isn't going to last. Anyway, we went to Wal-Mart and found a mini-fridge that was small, but could still hold more than I was looking for. I just wanted something very small. After we bought it, I seemed to remember a smaller one at Target. So we headed over to Target and sure enough there was something smaller and cheaper. SCORE! Back to Wal-mart we went with their mini-fridge to return it. The guy that helped me get the fridge from the back earlier that morning had wondered up to the front for returns at the exact same moment that I was returning the fridge. He looked at me and said "really!?". I just smiled and said, "Yes! I found something smaller and cheaper." He then began to pry: "Where did you find something smaller?" "Sounds like you just need a powered cooler." etc. all the way down to "What do you need something that small for?" To which I responded, "I need to keep my insulin cool at my desk at work." At this point, I was no longer amused and quite frustrated. I think that it was showing on my face, because after I had said that, the guy shut up and gave me the "oh... crap, I shouldn't have pried"-face.
WHY do people pry and then when I tell them that I have this disease they get uncomfortable? You're prying and prying to get me to tell you and then when I do, you become all awkward! Oh geez! I mean, Diabetes is not a death sentence unless I want to make it one. I have the choice to live a healthy rewarding life. Unfortunately it means that I'm shooting up insulin 4 times a day, but a small price to pay when I can have a rich rewarding life with family.
I'm also kind of tired of everyone feeling sorry for me. Yes it sucks! It sucks that I can't eat whenever and whatever I want to. It sucks that I have to stick myself 4 times a day in order for my body to do it's thing properly. It sucks, I get it. Yes, I also get that it's very rare for someone my age to be diagnosed with Type 1. Yes! I know! It's freaking ridiculous! I don't get it, I don't know why now. I don't know what triggered it. I just know that I need to make the best of this and I need to keep my spirits up no matter what.
So I guess my rant is mainly this. I'm fine; I'm dealing with this. I'm going to have good days and bad days. It's just what is going to happen. I'm having to relearn who I am (yes I know I'm exactly the same person as I was before) with this disease. So I don't need people to treat me like I'm dying or even giving me motivational speeches (unless I ask for one). I just need people to treat me like they always have. I still need to feel like a human being. That's the biggest thing you can do for me. Make me feel normal and like my disease does not rule my life.
So Friday before my appointment, I had to fill up with gas. I went in to get a soda, because I had a feeling that it was going to be a long day and I needed the caffeine to help me wake up a bit. As I was checking out, the attendant offered me a maple bar. I responded, "Oh no thank you. I can't have that." He then proceeded to pry into why I couldn't have it and just couldn't help but put his two cents in. I eventually told him that I have diabetes and that I was just barely diagnosed. Then he began to tell me his life story and about his daughter and how she was diagnosed when she was a little kid. Sorry, but not entirely the same thing. I'm not entirely sure why, but I was quite annoyed.
On Monday, among my various adventures with my dear best friend, we went shopping for a mini-fridge for my desk at work. I need to keep my insulin cold, and since I work 9 hour days, an ice pack in a cooler just isn't going to last. Anyway, we went to Wal-Mart and found a mini-fridge that was small, but could still hold more than I was looking for. I just wanted something very small. After we bought it, I seemed to remember a smaller one at Target. So we headed over to Target and sure enough there was something smaller and cheaper. SCORE! Back to Wal-mart we went with their mini-fridge to return it. The guy that helped me get the fridge from the back earlier that morning had wondered up to the front for returns at the exact same moment that I was returning the fridge. He looked at me and said "really!?". I just smiled and said, "Yes! I found something smaller and cheaper." He then began to pry: "Where did you find something smaller?" "Sounds like you just need a powered cooler." etc. all the way down to "What do you need something that small for?" To which I responded, "I need to keep my insulin cool at my desk at work." At this point, I was no longer amused and quite frustrated. I think that it was showing on my face, because after I had said that, the guy shut up and gave me the "oh... crap, I shouldn't have pried"-face.
WHY do people pry and then when I tell them that I have this disease they get uncomfortable? You're prying and prying to get me to tell you and then when I do, you become all awkward! Oh geez! I mean, Diabetes is not a death sentence unless I want to make it one. I have the choice to live a healthy rewarding life. Unfortunately it means that I'm shooting up insulin 4 times a day, but a small price to pay when I can have a rich rewarding life with family.
I'm also kind of tired of everyone feeling sorry for me. Yes it sucks! It sucks that I can't eat whenever and whatever I want to. It sucks that I have to stick myself 4 times a day in order for my body to do it's thing properly. It sucks, I get it. Yes, I also get that it's very rare for someone my age to be diagnosed with Type 1. Yes! I know! It's freaking ridiculous! I don't get it, I don't know why now. I don't know what triggered it. I just know that I need to make the best of this and I need to keep my spirits up no matter what.
So I guess my rant is mainly this. I'm fine; I'm dealing with this. I'm going to have good days and bad days. It's just what is going to happen. I'm having to relearn who I am (yes I know I'm exactly the same person as I was before) with this disease. So I don't need people to treat me like I'm dying or even giving me motivational speeches (unless I ask for one). I just need people to treat me like they always have. I still need to feel like a human being. That's the biggest thing you can do for me. Make me feel normal and like my disease does not rule my life.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Starting Out/Diagnosing Story
So I was just diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. The last three weeks of my life have been tossed up, turned about, with slap after slap after slap in the face from doctors and tests. I have been poked with more needles in the past 3 weeks than I have in my WHOLE life. For those that don't know me, I'm DEATHLY afraid of needles.... well not as much anymore. More just those that have to poke me other than myself.
A little side story here. September 2011, I noticed that I had gained a little too much weight. This was concerning because I had gestational diabetes. It was very mild and didn't require medicine. I was able to control my blood sugars with diet and exercise. In fact, I would often wake up in the 40's and 50's (that's very close to hypoglycemic coma levels). I would obviously remedy that by eating sugar to get it up, but the point is I controlled it. It was easy to control. However, I was now at a higher risk to be type 2 diabetic for the next 10 years. I would have to be very careful of my weight and diet and the amount of sugar that I ate. So in September, after I had noticed that amount of weight I had gain (I was only 5 pounds overweight) I knew I had to do something. I changed my diet and I started exercising. I lost a whopping 25 pounds and 2 pant sizes! Then May 2012 came around and was probably the most stressful months I had in a LONG time. I was tired all of the time, drinking a LOT of water and going to the bathroom almost every 2-3 hours. This should have been my first warning sign. But I stopped exercising and started stress eating. But I was still losing weight. I lost an additional 5 pounds. I just thought that I had kicked my metabolism into high gear and I wouldn't have to worry about that kind of thing anymore. That should have been my second clue. My last clue was that I was not healing as fast I ought to have been. It took me almost a month and half to heal a small wound on my leg, and now there is a huge scar from where it was.
Now on to the regularly programmed story: So let's begin about a month and a half ago. Rob and I had decided that we would try to get pregnant again. Autumn just turned 2 in May and we didn't want our kids too spread out, but not close together either. I was using an IUD for birth control for the last year and was scheduled to get it out three weeks ago yesterday. Well everything went fine with the removal with one exception. I experienced some pain that concerned the doctor. He was concerned that I had an infection that would have caused sterility. I was completely devastated. He had blood work done to check for red blood cell count and white blood cell count to look for infection; as well as a urine test, to check for UTI (which I am very prone to having). My blood work came back normal with no sign of infection. However, they forgot to take a culture for my urine test to see what strain of bacteria was growing, if it was growing.
I had to go back in to the doctor's office for more blood work and another urine test to check and see if I had gotten worse and my blood cell counts had dropped out of normal counts. That's when they noticed the absurd amount of sugar passing through my urine. They called me in after the weekend to have a glucose test done. I read 267 three hours after eating. For those that don't know, you should be back down around 120 two hours after reading. My doctor immediately diagnosed me as diabetic, but wouldn't tell me what type I was. He insisted that we wouldn't know for 4-6 weeks, until I got my blood sugars under control. He was going to perform a test that if my blood sugars were out of control would throw it completely out of whack and give a false reading.
This doctor hasn't talked to me in almost 2 weeks! He gave me insulin and told me to take it morning and night. My blood sugars would drop sooooo sticking low before lunch and I would start shaking and feeling like I would almost pass out. But then I would spike after lunch! I told his MA that I was concerned about this, but they obviously weren't concerned. I had enough with not knowing what was going on, not knowing what Type of diabetic I was, and not getting the attention I needed from this doctor. So I started looking for a new doctor. I was referred to this AMAZING doctor from some co-workers.
We had the appointment on Friday morning. I learned more information in 30 minutes with this doctor (who we shall call Dr. W) than I had when I was pregnant and from the other doctor combined! The doctor walked into the room and I told him what was going on and before I could even finish, we point blank told me that I was Type 1. He said that there was no way I was type 2. I am young (23) and I am skinny and well within the acceptable BMI chart range (I weigh 130 at 5' 6"). He gave me instructions with taking insulin that has kept my numbers better under control. I cannot believe the difference in the way that I feel. I feel more energetic and more motivated than I have in months! This is very exciting for me. I thought that being tired was from being a working mother while supporting a husband through school. But now I know better. And I am so glad.
So why am I writing about this very personal matter? Because, I don't want to feel alone and hopefully another diabetic will find this blog and help me not feel alone. Also, I need to be able to express myself and understand my feelings and write it out. So this will be my journey through learning how to better manage my diabetes. Including recipes that I found that are SUPER tasty, but surprisingly healthy! So welcome to my journey!
A little side story here. September 2011, I noticed that I had gained a little too much weight. This was concerning because I had gestational diabetes. It was very mild and didn't require medicine. I was able to control my blood sugars with diet and exercise. In fact, I would often wake up in the 40's and 50's (that's very close to hypoglycemic coma levels). I would obviously remedy that by eating sugar to get it up, but the point is I controlled it. It was easy to control. However, I was now at a higher risk to be type 2 diabetic for the next 10 years. I would have to be very careful of my weight and diet and the amount of sugar that I ate. So in September, after I had noticed that amount of weight I had gain (I was only 5 pounds overweight) I knew I had to do something. I changed my diet and I started exercising. I lost a whopping 25 pounds and 2 pant sizes! Then May 2012 came around and was probably the most stressful months I had in a LONG time. I was tired all of the time, drinking a LOT of water and going to the bathroom almost every 2-3 hours. This should have been my first warning sign. But I stopped exercising and started stress eating. But I was still losing weight. I lost an additional 5 pounds. I just thought that I had kicked my metabolism into high gear and I wouldn't have to worry about that kind of thing anymore. That should have been my second clue. My last clue was that I was not healing as fast I ought to have been. It took me almost a month and half to heal a small wound on my leg, and now there is a huge scar from where it was.
Now on to the regularly programmed story: So let's begin about a month and a half ago. Rob and I had decided that we would try to get pregnant again. Autumn just turned 2 in May and we didn't want our kids too spread out, but not close together either. I was using an IUD for birth control for the last year and was scheduled to get it out three weeks ago yesterday. Well everything went fine with the removal with one exception. I experienced some pain that concerned the doctor. He was concerned that I had an infection that would have caused sterility. I was completely devastated. He had blood work done to check for red blood cell count and white blood cell count to look for infection; as well as a urine test, to check for UTI (which I am very prone to having). My blood work came back normal with no sign of infection. However, they forgot to take a culture for my urine test to see what strain of bacteria was growing, if it was growing.
I had to go back in to the doctor's office for more blood work and another urine test to check and see if I had gotten worse and my blood cell counts had dropped out of normal counts. That's when they noticed the absurd amount of sugar passing through my urine. They called me in after the weekend to have a glucose test done. I read 267 three hours after eating. For those that don't know, you should be back down around 120 two hours after reading. My doctor immediately diagnosed me as diabetic, but wouldn't tell me what type I was. He insisted that we wouldn't know for 4-6 weeks, until I got my blood sugars under control. He was going to perform a test that if my blood sugars were out of control would throw it completely out of whack and give a false reading.
This doctor hasn't talked to me in almost 2 weeks! He gave me insulin and told me to take it morning and night. My blood sugars would drop sooooo sticking low before lunch and I would start shaking and feeling like I would almost pass out. But then I would spike after lunch! I told his MA that I was concerned about this, but they obviously weren't concerned. I had enough with not knowing what was going on, not knowing what Type of diabetic I was, and not getting the attention I needed from this doctor. So I started looking for a new doctor. I was referred to this AMAZING doctor from some co-workers.
We had the appointment on Friday morning. I learned more information in 30 minutes with this doctor (who we shall call Dr. W) than I had when I was pregnant and from the other doctor combined! The doctor walked into the room and I told him what was going on and before I could even finish, we point blank told me that I was Type 1. He said that there was no way I was type 2. I am young (23) and I am skinny and well within the acceptable BMI chart range (I weigh 130 at 5' 6"). He gave me instructions with taking insulin that has kept my numbers better under control. I cannot believe the difference in the way that I feel. I feel more energetic and more motivated than I have in months! This is very exciting for me. I thought that being tired was from being a working mother while supporting a husband through school. But now I know better. And I am so glad.
So why am I writing about this very personal matter? Because, I don't want to feel alone and hopefully another diabetic will find this blog and help me not feel alone. Also, I need to be able to express myself and understand my feelings and write it out. So this will be my journey through learning how to better manage my diabetes. Including recipes that I found that are SUPER tasty, but surprisingly healthy! So welcome to my journey!
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